there was a point in my life when i wanted to end up myself. a great force was pulling me down. Encouraging me, pushing and actually whispering in my ear that life is hopeless. That life is worthless, absurd. It was such a negative force that keeps on telling me that I have so many problems in life, that I have to be discourage, i must be weak and it makes me feel so terrible, it keeps on ringing in my ear for about a couple of weeks. i don't know the reason why, maybe that force thought that he is winning the battle because without me knowing I was nearly caught in his trap. I tried to lock myself in my room upstairs took some medicine and trying to overdose myself. I dont have an idea if that medicine would kill me but that's the only medicine i have at that time. I was lying on the floor crying, holding the tablets on the other hand and a glass of water on the other. I have taken about 10 tablets when i stopped it and came to realize that God always give us a chance. And the truth is that I feared God for I know that it is a sin.
Those two forces battling in my mind taught me how to be strong. I was about to give up at that time....I am fortunate still that the battle was'nt able to conquer me wholly. As I was remembering those times a thought came into my mind. i remember that i was so active in the church aat that time and maybe he wanted me to break it like my other family members. he wanted us to be totally wreck. But there was this other force who keeps on reminding me that God loves me. Asweet small voice was whispering to me not to do it. He wanted me to se positive things in life because I still have my family, my friends, the church and a dear someone who is waiting for me and never knows what i've been going through..because f that realization and the love that i feel for them, i was able to conquer that helplessness. the only thing that helped me fight the negative force is prayer. It has been my comforter every minute of everyday. I have learned a lesson from that circumstances...we have to defend ourselves from those enemies (evil forces)....
