Desperation

Add your poems, essays and short stories here. Please do not post work by other writers.

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ginny
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Desperation

Post by ginny »

Death! Death is all around
Blood! Blood is flowing
Red, red, red...
Everything is becoming red in the eyes
Red tears
Falling! Falling!
Someone is calling inside the dusk
Blood sunset covers the river
The red river
Flowing! Flowing!
Nowhere to lean on
Nowhere to hide
Something wet in feet, in hands, in face and in heart
The red sun
Sinking into the red river...(!)
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shakespear
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Post by shakespear »

It is really a very good poem I read today.
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Oriani
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Post by Oriani »

Yes! Yes! You're poem has rythm :)
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Oriani
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Post by Oriani »

Yes,. it has. I studied Poetry in my Reading nd Writing class in English and Rythm means when the same words are follow with each other before the Exclamation signs (punctuation):

For example:
Red, red, red...
Falling! Falling!
Flowing! Flowing!
That's rythm :wink:
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Oriani
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Post by Oriani »

mrLenin wrote:rythm has to be stable and repeatable. This is not rythm
Whatever! For me it does. That really matters. It depends on the reader and in my case it does and it is my opinion. Thanks.
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Vega
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Post by Vega »

mrLenin wrote:rythm has to be stable and repeatable. This is not rythm
Have you ever read Mayakovsky (Маяковский)? I think this is kinda Mayakovsky's rhythm, but in English. :)
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Vega
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Post by Vega »

btw ginny you're so beautiful on your avatar. :) :P
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Oriani
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Post by Oriani »

Xkalibur wrote:btw ginny you're so beautiful on your avatar. :) :P
Yes, it looks like a doll! :) Cute :oops:
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fortminor
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Post by fortminor »

so why everything's red 'n blo0dy?
you feel like a killer ? lol :)
just kidding.

it was good and can be much better.
:wink:
Lac
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~ poet

Post by Lac »

It's totally blood-stained and sanguine. I wont read it before going to bed. But i possibly recite it in singing voice to know how much I love peace and friendship.
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