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My love [The Contest WINNER, April. 2011]

Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2011 3:26 pm
by Shahruhash
Its my first post in this website. I am an English learner. So forgive me for my silly mistakes.

POEM - My Love

My sweet dream came more than true
When my love i saw someone like you
Everywhere i see i feel heavenly
I am so blessed i can now see clearly
Being with you makes me complete
It seems that we are a perfect fit

I never knew what sadness was
Now i feel them when we are apart
Distance cant separate both of us
As you always mend by broken heart

created by - ME

this is a dedicated poem for my lovely wife. Pray for us both guys. Thanks

Re: My love

Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 9:17 am
by sweets
hello and welecome here

for me I like the general idea it's so sweet and lovely to show your feelings towards who you love

but in same time you have little mistakes I'm sure that you did not note them
1- ( makes) it should be make because it comes after you

2-(them) it should be it beacause it reffers to sadness

this is what i note maybe others can find more

anyway do not give up and keep writing ok {-;

Re: My love

Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 11:01 am
by Shahruhash
Hi Sweets !

thanks for your warm welcome and your sweet teachings. I really made a silly mistake writing make as makes. I should have rechecked my slip of pen. Lolz.

keep teaching me because i really would like to learn a lot.
Thanks again

Re: My love

Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 11:14 am
by sweets
you are welcome anytime

Re: My love

Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 7:29 pm
by monaji
It's very good .. before and after SWEETS Correction.

Re: My love

Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2011 4:11 am
by Shahruhash
Thanks monaji . Thanks very much

Re: My love

Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2011 8:24 am
by manal
a good poem and wonderful idea ....
welcome friend...waiting for more....

Re: My love [The Contest WINNER, April. 2011]

Posted: Wed Apr 27, 2011 4:01 pm
by Vega
Keep up the good work! ;)

Re: My love [The Contest WINNER, April. 2011]

Posted: Mon May 02, 2011 10:40 pm
by shakespear
hi friend
ur poem is very lovley and i think u can write more and more koz u have spring of soft words and ideas
the word (makes) is not mistake koz it came after the term (being with you) not after the word (you) only.about the the 2nd notice i think the friend sweet is right.
4give me and i hope u go ahead and write more.......
c u