Hesitating on an expression

Add your poems, essays and short stories here. Please do not post work by other writers.

Moderators: Krisi, Vega, EC

User avatar
Posts: 12
Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:02 am
Status: Other
Location: Belgium

Hesitating on an expression

Postby BadDisciple » Sat Jul 14, 2012 3:31 pm

Hail all,

Not being a native English speaker I'll always need an advice when it comes to tricky or fine expressions.

Here I'm writing a song about a traveling guy who gives a promise having the best intentions, but his way of life doesn't allow him to keep his word. So I've come to an expression "...words written in the sand...", but that has more syllables than the music length, so I hesitate between these two replacements: "[...words left in the sand...]" or "[...just words in the sand...]".

Here the lines:

"I'll come again"...
"I won't forget"...
...words left in the sand...
[...just words in the sand...]

They both match well the music length but to me the first one seems better. Any opinion?

Thanks a lot and best vibes.

Bad Disciple

User avatar
Gold Member
Posts: 181
Joined: Mon Aug 01, 2011 1:57 pm
Status: English Learner
Location: http://my.englishclub.com/profile/Lara07

Re: Hesitating on an expression

Postby Lara » Sat Aug 04, 2012 3:42 pm


I asked the same to a friend who is teacher, and he told me you can use any of those phrases, they both are correct....

Thanks for sharing....good luck :-D

BadDisciple wrote:...words left in the sand... :ok:
[...just words in the sand...] :ok:

User avatar
Platinum Member
Posts: 831
Joined: Tue Jan 09, 2007 12:02 pm
Status: English Teacher
Location: IRAQ

Re: Hesitating on an expression

Postby shakespear » Sat Aug 18, 2012 8:40 am

i think the 2 titles r good and lovely and there r other suggestion to ur song:
vanished words on the sand, lost words in wind,scattered words...
excuse me my friends 4 this comments...
have nice times

Return to “Creative Writing”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests