help needed!!!!

[snezana]

hello to everyone!could you help me, and say wheather this sentence is correct , or not (this sentence is from my english essay "what is important when choosing a job?")
. ..Indeed, what really influences person's future carrer, are one's achievements, or better to say, success in one or another field in school....
is it too long, or maybe there is another, better way of telling my idea....????:)
p.s. i'll very apreciate your help:)

[buggah]

Hello Snezana,

Indeed, what really influences person's future carrer, are one's achievements, or better to say, success in one or another field in school.

As you certainly know, there are infinite ways of putting your thoughts in words. My advice is to always look for the simplest and clearest one. Let me show you some grammar problems in your sentence:

1. what really influences (singular) ... are one's ... (plural) (concordance error)
2. ... future career, are (you never put a comma between the subject and the verb)

I wouldn't write that sencente that way myself, but that's a matter of style. Here you have its correct version:

Indeed, what really influences the future of people's career are their achievements, or better to say, their success in one or another field in school.

Buggah Loo

[Pirate]

How is ur essay? Why don’t u post it all here for us to read ?

[snezana]

hello:)
buggah,thank you very much for help! it really helped me...
As for my essay, i didn't get my mark yet..but i'm sure it would be positive:) and regarding pirate's suggestion of typing my essay here, i very apologise, but maybe next time..i haven't got time to do it (because of my slow typing ability)

take care:D:D:D[/quote]

[buggah]

I'm sorry. I've remarked the concordance error but I tottaly forgot to correct it. The correct sentece is:

Indeed, what really influence the future of people's career are their achievements, or better to say, their success in one or another field in school.