Help me edit my essay! thanks

[enviranh]

Could anyone please help me edit my 8-page essay? I am very appreciated your work. thanks/
My essay:
There are many things in life that are hard to do, and one of those things is forgiving people. It could be very hard forgiving someone, especially after he/she has done something real terrible to others. Do people have courage to forgive others after what evil things they have done? In The Seducer’s Diary, Johannes tries many ways to approach Cordelia and apply his technique to seduce her for his own personal pleasure. After she gives her hearts and souls to him, he abandons her without taking any responsibility for his actions. In the play “Miss Julie,” Jean seduces Miss Julie and exploits her as a ladder to change his position in society, and he indirectly forces her to commit suicide. Unlike Johannes and Jean, the Dwarf takes it a step further by seducing and causing the deaths of his victims, directly or indirectly. Although, all of them want to seduce their victims to fulfill their personal pleasure, they are counted as evil purposes because these characters play with emotions of people. After what they did on their people, whether their victims are able to forgive those people.
Johannes is very successful in seducing women because he understands his women expectations. He knows how to fulfill women’s hearts when they are lonely. He believes that women sometimes are very weak; and they need men to help them when they are alone. “Even his affair with Cordelia was so intricate that it was possible for him to appear as the one seduced—indeed, even the unhappy girl can at time be perplexed on this score” (Kierkegaard, 10). Understanding what she wants, he slowly approaches her by making friend with her aunt and her friends to raise her confidence when he is around. He not only knows how to win a women’s heart by understanding their weakness, but also knows how to be patient in seducing her and makes her fall in love with him entirely. Indeed, he is willing to spend several hours waiting for her and take several months to understand her. He understands that Cordelia is very intense and believes that she needs more than marriage to find happiness. This belief gives him a chance to jump into her heart as she is “too intense, too deeply moved, to be happy in marriage; it would be too meager for her to let herself fall for an outright seducer; when she falls for me, she will rescue the interesting out of the shipwreck” (Kierkegaard, 72). Furthermore, he knows how to attract women without possessing them in the stricter sense. “He knew how to tempt a girl, how to attract her without caring to possess her in the stricter sense. I can picture him as knowing how to bring a girl to the high point where he was sure that she would offer everything,” the author says (Kierkegaard, 8). After he absolutely wins her heart, her soul, her mind and even her body; he suddenly breaks off “without concerning what passion he did on her, without a word about love he had said” (Kierkegaard, 8). He abandons her without taking any responsibility for her sufferings.
Like Johannes, the main character Jean, in “Miss Julie”, attempts to seduce his women for his advantage. Jean is a servant in a Count. Miss Julie is a Count’s daughter. He sees in Miss Julie a chance to change his life to be a future nobleman. To seduce her, he firstly tries to win her sympathy by telling his childhood secret; and he tells his story when he was a child interested in finding lover. However, “There was no hope of winning you,” he concludes in his story (Strindberg, 83). He could not make his dream come true because he is afraid of his position that is unequal to Julie, so he cannot be with her. However, the story he tells her is just a trick that he tries to trap her in because he knows that Miss Julie wants to escape from her situation as a woman and as a member of upper-class through her dream story that she has from time to time. “I’m high up and I can’t come down. It makes me dizzy. I want to come down but I haven’t the courage to jump. I can no longer hold on, I long to fall. And I’ll have no place until I do fall, down, down” (Strindberg, 79). She images of coming down to the land because she got dizzy by the high. It also means that she wants to get away from her position in society; and she needs someone to give her a hand to make her dream come true. And the one who satisfies for her right now is Jean. On the other hand, Jean dreams the opposite to her. “I dream I’m lying under a tall tree. I want to climb up, up to the top, and look around over the bright landscape where the sun is shinning, plunder the bird’s nest up there where the gold eggs lie. I climb and climb, but the trunk is so thick, and so slippery, and it’s so far to the first branch,” says Jean (Strindberg, 80). Jean dreams that he is lying under a tree and wants to be up where he can see the horizon, the view of his better life. However, the problem is that the first branch is too high, but he says “I know if I can only reach it, I could shin up the rest like a ladder” (Strindberg, 80). Yes, if he can reach the “first branch,” he can get everything he wants. Thus, Jean’s “First branch” is of course Miss Julie. He longs to rise into a higher social class, and sees Julie as a means of doing so.
Johannes’ actions could directly cause readers to foist (to force someone to have something they do not want) him as an evil being. He does not attack women in hurry, on the other hand, he does it so slowly and naturally like the way he enjoys the glass of champagne. “The majority enjoys a young girl as they enjoy a glass of champagne,” says Johannes (Kierkegaard, 57). So, the more he gets to know her, the more she will hurt when he’s gone. Johannes kills Cordelia’s soul, and he does not feel guilty about it. Cordelia writes with her heartbroken words, “I am punished harshly enough for having once been gladdened in my soul by this thought, and yet I do call you ‘mine’: my seducer, my deceiver, my enemy, my murderer, the source of my unhappiness, the tomb of my joy, the abyss of my unhappiness” (Kierkegaard, 15). Furthermore, he takes away her freedom since the day he left. She writes “Flee where you will, I am still yours; go to the ends of the earth, I am still yours” (Kierkegaard, 16). She cannot be herself anymore; and her life is based on him from now on. Johannes does not only take any responsibility for what he does on Cordelia, but he also blames her for her decision about their engagement. He makes her feels guilty when she is a one “tired of the engagement” (Kierkegaard, 172). Actually, he just blames on her because he does not want to be the one who break their relationship, he says “If I broke my engagement, I will miss out to this erotic somersault, which is so seductive to look at and such a sure sign of the audacity of her soul” (Kierkegaard, 173). He is spinning her into his plan about their engagement then he himself will manage things in such a way that is she herself who breaks the engagement. He uses her as a tool to practice his erotic love rather than love her. “The more devotedness one can bring to erotic love, the more interesting” (Kierkegaard, 57-58). He declares himself in such an “eroticist, who has grasped the nature and the point of love, who believes in love and knows it from the ground up” (Kierkegaard, 93). Johannes enjoys seducing his women and using them for his own fun, rather than taking serious about their relationship.
Jean does not kill directly Miss Julie, but he indirectly involves into her suicide. After his success in seducing her by leading her into the womanhood, he wants Julie get money from her father and run away with him. She sees the impossibility, and finally gives it up, not troubling Jean and herself any more. Rather than abandon the poor bird, she says, she would rather have Jean kill it. Jean hesitantly removes the bird from the cage, picks up the kitchen axe, and unfeelingly kills it. The shock of this moment is too much for her. She screams, “Kill me too! Kill me! You, who can slaughter an innocent creature without turning a hair. Oh, I hate and despise you; there is blood between us! I curse the moment I set eyes on you, I curse the moment I was conceived in my mother womb” (Strindberg, 103). Jean sees her weaknesses and exploits them, humiliating her and pushing her towards the self-destruction that she has been hinting at all evening. He has aspirations to rise from his station in life and manage his own hotel, with Miss Julie being part of his plan. Julie’s dream is that she is on top of a high pillar, and can’t get down again, but longs to be on the ground. She says if she did reach the ground, she would “want to bury” [herself] “in the earth” (Strindberg, 79). On the other hand, the dreams correspond, as Julie longs to be controlled. However, she has changed her mind and now refuses to get way with him because of scaring to be caught by her father. Therefore, to save her name, she has no more choice than killing herself. Because of lacking the power to make the decision, she needs Jean to tell her what she should as she say; “Help me now! Order me, and I’ll obey like a dog! Do me this last service, save my honour, save his name! You know what I ought to do, and I can’t, just will me to do. Order me!” (Strindberg, 109) She will take orders from Jean, even though the order is for self-sacrifice. Indeed, without her honour, she has no other choice but to die. That is not the only reason she has to die. Her suicide can be blamed for Jean because he appears to be too cold and carefree to Miss Julie. Jean cuts of her beloved Diana bird in front of her eyes, she finally realizes that it is only too absurd in difficult so much from a man who she wants true love. The way Jean does is outright contradictory to her understanding of love.
Both characters in The Seducer’s diary and the play “Miss Julie”, they are so confident on their outlook which is used as the weapon to seduce women. They present themselves as charming men, who knows and understands women feelings. On the other hand, The Dwarf with sixteen inch short, ugly face and red hair is so ashamed to his outlook. “I cannot bear any offense against my body,” he shrieks wildly (Lagerkvist, 45). He hates people portraying himself and looking at him as stranger. His hatred emotional feeling is not only about people, but also about his root and his own people. He got these feelings because he grows no homeland, and no parents. He has missed the love from his parents since his mother sale him to people to get twenty scudi. He says calmly, “did my mother sell me, turning away from me in disgust when she saw what she had borne, and not understanding that I was of an ancient race. She was paid twenty scudi for me and with them she bought three cubits of cloth and a watchdog for her sheep” (Lagerkvist, 15). He has to live in an unhappy life since he is a child. People always laugh at his misshapen (di thuong) body. As the result, he starts to hate the people around him when he gets older. He criticizes everyone and looks for chance to revenge.
He seems not caring with people’s lives even with his own people. Instead, he likes to kill others because of his personal desire; and to revenge for his hatred on people. He finds a dwarf belongs to Lodovico’s court; thus he chases the dwarf and kills him, “I hunted him along the walls like a rat, knowing that now he could not escape me, and at last I cornered him. I spitted him on my rapier and it pierced straight through him” (Lagerkvist, 110). He leaves the dwarf’s body lying in the room and leaves him without a care. His evil action is not only to fulfill his disgusting hobby but also to change his status in the Court. He says, “I need not see them; I have to make the Prince sell all the dwarfs here, one after the other, until I am the only one at the court” (Lagerkvist, 28). He is every glad that he is the only one in the Court. He is also a wicked dwarf through his interested in war. He says during the war, “I want to fight, I want to kill! Not for the glory of it, but for the deed alone! I want to see men fall, see death and destruction around me” (Lagerkvist, 86). The Dwarf explains no reason for killing. All his action and desire are hard to understand Even the one he has to obey; he still kills them if he has a chance. Indeed, his evil dream comes true when he sees “something special between [princess’s daughter Angelina and the Lodovio Montanza’s son named Giovanni]-that they were in love with each other” (Lagerkvist, 135).He quickly reports to the prince by saying, “his daughter was in process of being raped by Lodovico Montanza’s son who had crept into the castle to avenge his father and bring eternal shame and dishonor to her and all his house” (Lagerkvist, 186). The prince kills Giovanni furiously, and Angelina becomes sick. From that moment, she has no desire of living; and she decides to kill herself in the river after that. Indirectly, the Dwarf makes his revenge onto Angelina. This is only one of the incidences of the Dwarf take revenge on people. He also takes revenge on the princess by upsetting her; therefore he causes she commits suicide. He grows his hatred to others who have tortured him.
Both victims in The Seducer’s diary and the play “Miss Julie,” they almost forgive for people who harm them. To Cordelia in The Seducer’s diary, she is willing to forgive for what he did on her, she expresses on her letter sent to Johannes, “I will wait, however long the time is for me; I will wait, wait until you are tired of loving others. Then your love for me will rise again from its grave; then I will love you as always, thank you as always.” Even thought, she finds no rest for what painful he does on her; she still forgives him from her heart of hearts and love him forever. To Miss Julie, the ways she feels so “peaceful” in her heart because of her forgiveness to Jean. She even goes so far as when she says “thank you” to him for giving her the permission. In The Dwarf, the prince almost forgives everything the Dwarf revenges on his wife and his daughter. The proof is that the prince sets him in jail rather gives him a death penalty for what he has done in the past.
Johannes and Jean make an affect on women’s emotions and after successfully winning their heart, they leaves their victims without taking any responsibility for suffering. In contrast, the Dwarf gives hatred towards people by taking them to his reality, which is a reality of hatred and disgust towards human beings. Both Johannes and the Dwarf can be blamed and forced to take responsibility for what they have done. However, their victim finally find the peace in their life because they know that time will not heal their wound, only forgiveness. Now people can see that why forgiveness is a very important thing for humans to receive and give. Two of ladies in “The Seducer’s diary” and the play “Miss Julie” feel so peaceful in their lives because they forgive people who ruined their life. On the other hand, the Dwarf had his life ruined because he has no forgiveness. So, Forgiveness is a creative act that changes people from prisoners of the past to liberated people at peace with their memories.

[enviranh]

I really need your help because i do not have any native speaker friend. so it is hard for me to check my essay. please help. thanks

[jakeson]

I tried but it takes me more than 30 minutes to organize it.

Here is the first part.

To forgive is one of the difficult things to do. When somebody has done wrong to us, it is so hard to heal the wound it has inflicted. We are hurt that we crave for vengeance. But do we have courage to forgive others after doing us wrong?


In the story, “The Seducer’s Diary,” Johannes tried ways to approach Cordelia. With selfish motive, he did things to seduce her. After capturing her heart, he abandoned Cordelia, leaving her alone.



I suggest that you outline what you are going to write. You must have your target audience. Meaning, who are going to read your essay.

There seems to be no coherence in your essay. It's a hodgepodge.

This is how to do it. Outline everything you want to write for every paragraph, i.e, the story about "The Seducer's Diary." Have a description of what it is all about, and then relate it to your topic and so on. Then, proceed to another story or literary piece you want to cite about. Don't mix them up.

Have your conclusion at the end. It could be a personal experience and insight or learnings. Revise your essay and I'll see it next time.

Try reading my article at Creative Writing thread entitled "The Euphoria of Saying "I'm Sorry." You can get an idea from that essay.