Choked on
Posted: Sat Sep 10, 2011 5:52 am
1. "19-year-old student died on Tuesday, three days after she apparently choked on two slices of orange and lost consciousness."
I am not sure whether I am guilty of being too critical but when I read the sentence, the impression that I had from the prepositional phrase ("on two slices of orange and lost consciousness") is, the student choked on "oranges" and 'lost consciousness". (Am I right to say that? By the bye, is that called prepositional phrase?)
2. "Friends of polytechnic student Ailsie Lee Qiao Qi told The Straits Times that she had been eating oranges at home during breakfast last Saturday morning when she suddenly started choking and coughing, then fainted."
Sentence 2 is not as bad as the first. But I would have removed "morning". "Then fainted" doesn't seem quite right to me; but I am not sure.
Can someone comment on my views?
I am not sure whether I am guilty of being too critical but when I read the sentence, the impression that I had from the prepositional phrase ("on two slices of orange and lost consciousness") is, the student choked on "oranges" and 'lost consciousness". (Am I right to say that? By the bye, is that called prepositional phrase?)
2. "Friends of polytechnic student Ailsie Lee Qiao Qi told The Straits Times that she had been eating oranges at home during breakfast last Saturday morning when she suddenly started choking and coughing, then fainted."
Sentence 2 is not as bad as the first. But I would have removed "morning". "Then fainted" doesn't seem quite right to me; but I am not sure.
Can someone comment on my views?