those days went by…..

[pBaL2]

This problem happened for long time but now it still affects my thinking so much. Iam trying to change.....
I know I’m a lucky one, I don’t care of difficulties of material, also don’t care of the unfortunate family cause I live in a happy family and is that a reason I can’t over come all things happening in my life fastly and newly, so I can’t adapt my self to circumstance although it’s just a little changes. I get angry at myself at that time.
I have a twin sister whom I love so much as if she’s mine, not another, our memories of childhood’re still wonderful and green although now we’re not young as yesterday.
We used to consent to a plan which no one can partion us, no one can do that and our childhood is still alive in our hearts.
but………………..
people said that don’t wait, every thing can happen!
A man felt in love her and it did me an injury. I still remember I’m on stress at that time, I had a pessimistic view of the world like that. I think I lost one of important things in my life. I was afraid of not getting the love from my sister, I was afraid she no longer loves me and shares that feeling with that man, I was sad and I’ll cry before telling her any word so I said nothing. I tried to pretend as though nothing happened in my heart although I wanted to tell her that I don’t want that, I hate her, and I’ll die if she wants ( ohh it’s true on my mind at that time)
I still remembered I ignored all words of consolation from my close friend… and made a change: I cut class more and spent more time for doing part time to not face to face each other every day, to forget that sorrow. There’s a invisilbe distance between us day by day, a distance can’t explain by words, just feel and suffer but she knew, she tried not to let me know every time she go out with him, she also didn’t mention to the pict of them, it doesn’t look like the time of past she could share me every thing. She’s afraid of making me sad, I know. She understands I’ve been not familiar yet with his appearance and avoid using any word to remind him. I stated I don’t need any explanation of her more, Let me a lone,please Miss!!!
I think deeply abt the life, I decided to work more and more, I went out early morining and came back home late at night, I went to unversi half a day and a half of working in being boring feeling. I’m fear of being abandoning. She’s always worried very time I come back home late. And that’s my happiness, I got away angry to know that she looked for me every where she could on a late night I came back home so late.
am I so bad? The thingking of comparision appeared on my head. She’s nice than me, she sings very well, she ….. ( oh my god, she’s my sister ) am I selfish? All my friends asked me why did I change my mood like that, I am not happy as I used to be.
I started hating all my friends, I blamed them for ropping her of me. I swear : my heart makes by steel although I pay attention to one, yeah, just allite. ops ( it’s fortunate, noone hears it) ops anyway, I don’t permit me to love some one. That’s a my vow.
And I don’t tell any one this pain. Just think of being looked at me with a feeling of pity can make me decide it’s better keep silent . I was learning the way to be sad!
And what happened then.....?
Before continue my story I would like to hear any feedback from ones who spend time for reading and sharing with me that feeling. Maybe all of you weren’t in my position so you can’t…..yes, maybe.
It’s so difficult for me to tell any body by mother language, I’m afraid my feeling will be showed
I’m fear of sweet words as well as friendly gestures from every body. Sometime I wonder if I lost my confidence? I don’t know.

[Srin Tuar]

Well, first off I dont think you should be jealous of each other.
If she has a boyfriend you should be happy for her.
If you lose touch with your sister it will be your own fault, I think.

You dont want her to be alone for her whole life do you?

[lennye_tran]

Interesting story again pBal. Good work! Anyway, is this story a made-up story or real? Just asking out of curiosity....
Ok here is my thoughts of the story. Let's see... I've heard that twins siblings are attached to each other through feelings and stuff. They do things together, act alike, like the same stuff, and so on. It happens to identical or even fraternal twins. Therefore, when one does things without the other one, the left-out person would sometimes feel emotionally hurt and its hard to get over. I don't think it means that person is being selfish; it's just that that person is not able to suit him/herself with the changes. For this case, time is the best solution. They both need time to get past the problem--the left-out person needs time to move on with his/her own life and starts to share the joy of the other person; the already-moved-on person needs to explain that person no matter what's new in his/her life, that person is still be the only one since he/she is the sibling. Although there are changes but one thing will never change, the two are siblings. It's the one thing one cannot exchange for whatever in this world becase being a sibling of one to another is placed by destiny. In other words, no one could choose to be a sibling of someone else.
So for your story, you should feel happy because you sister has found someone she likes. Isn't it what you want to see from her, she's being happy? I know it hurts because she's no longer yours only but look at the bright side, you have another person to hang out with. Don't lock yourself and turn your back on your sister. All it does is bringing the worse feeling in you and making you feel depressed. How about trying to do calligraphy on sand. I've heard it helps with the emotions. You can write all your anger out and then wash it away like you'll be washing all your anger out of your mind. The only left is peace. If not then throwing stones to the ocean, screaming out loud, punching the sandbag, or even better doing sports. I think those will help you to be calm. When anger is not there, you can be able to think and direct your feelings--whether you should be selfish and tell her how you feel or you should be happy and still tell her how you feel. After that, wait for her decision. How about that?

[pBaL2]

You dont want her to be alone for her whole life do you?

you should feel happy because you sister has found someone she likes. Isn't it what you want to see from her, she's being happy? I know it hurts because she's no longer yours only but look at the bright side, you have another person to hang out with. Don't lock yourself and turn your back on your sister.

Frist of all, I would like to say that I thanks so much with your feedbacks from Srin Tuar and Len, and keep your eyes on this story to know What happened then?...
Yes, that period of time I am so disatrous and sorrowful ops , I was stubborn to lock my heart on the upper floor, left my meal untouched althoung I was hungry ( of cousre I went to kitchen at night to find something can make me full, :laugh hii, I wonder why now I think abt that I can smile cause I was a child like that, hiii) but let me continue. Remember I was on stress meanwhile, please.
Yes, my face was cold and glacial, she always asks whether something came to me badly, I also gave a vague answer ops and be silent then. I want my sister must be sad like me, I want my silence can make her think deeply. I didn’t come to visist my neighbour frequently, and hide all, I’m afraid they can realize…..the sadness in my eyes. You know, We live a life of a student happily with them in a room for rent, sometime I feel lonely and miss my family so much. Any day off work or study I came to my friend’s dormitory to learn cause my library doesn’t operate at night so if I came back home and see him coming to visist my sister, what happen? ( I’ll find a knife and…… :evil ha ha, it’s obvious he’s strong than me ops , just more imagination,!! so…*) yap, I can’t concentrate to my study that time, I my self promised trying to be familiar with his appearance. I went out and came back like that.Then I took part in many activities, from arts ones in my school to social ones, sold flowers and greeting cards as another students. I do all to become another one, a person only knows to job. I want to prove I am a self contained person ( because I lived and depended on my sister so I don’t know anything before) so bad am I? I said nothing her my own thinking. I want she must make her choice: me or him? :evil
I realized the happiness from my work and growing up on my thinking. I can feel glad from getting a job in a small company when I still was a stupid student, very stupid cause I made many mistakes but … all of them, from boss to my colleagues helped me all the time. They considered me a young member and love me so much, some times my boss got angry with my fault but…. He laughed then cause he told he likes the way I admit my mistake, I always tell loudly : “ Da, con biet loi roi a” with the smiling on my mouth, :R hii hi, ( I try my best to find the words can express that sentence in english, it means I have much of badness english, yeah, it’s true, ops hhii) That’s the time I feel what happiness is!. I love them and thanks them in my mind, thank all days of working can help me understand my sadness is so so unreasonable, they confided to me abt the life on the funny side ( with same action, the way of looking at things are very different to a big-hearted and narrow-minded, right?) they always joke when they see I talk is not like the face I make believe: glacial, understanding life thouroughly. They wondered why am I so cool in my face but my saying is funny, hiii, I don’t know cause I want “ hu doa” any one? Hii hii, no, I’m still stupid in this own world.
I think again and realized I’m so wrong with my sister, I was so strict to her. I myself think a better thing and have a beginning again, I take a notice of myself whenever I go, I always get the concern of another, also being loved, and the trips will be delayed because of my absence or our friends will try to persuade me to join in, this things make me think of a importance part I play? it’s so complexed more when I gave reason of being busy and can’t join with them, my sister did too, she gave me a confused situation!! Oh my sister!!!
My behavior looks like a child’s one, right? And see I’m so bad, so bad, I start on changing, I start understanding her happy eyeslight, I was glad back cause every thing I make her smile that did me same feeling , I need only that. I felt joyfull when she goes out with him and look her face!! is filled with the shine of sun and say “yeahhh, I know” after hearing from me the asking to bring cakes and candy when they come back home, hii, and I wonder why couldn’t I see this happiness before? It’s still not late? Maybe not.
It’s a real story of my life, it passed two years ago when I was a student and I wrote diary in Vietnamese and keep it in my computer, and it’s so terrible thing with the curious eyes of my younger sister, oh la la, should I cry or smile to face this thing?
This story comes to an end here ( oh my god, it seems to be my teacher’s words when she finishs telling children a legend) every thing will be aright, I see

[tandedao]

Power is cutting off.
Have not finished reading.
I will go on tomorrow.
Wish everyone a sunny day tomorrow.

[pBaL]

Ummm, that was just an upset feeling at that time. I think that I am having a better day more than it was.

[MissLT]

Ummm, that was just an upset feeling at that time. I think that I am having a better day more than it was.

Hey you, where have you been? I haven't seen you around for like... forever. Do tell what you've done, okay ...

[pBaL]

Hey you, where have you been? I haven't seen you around for like... forever. Do tell what you've done, okay ...

Hmmm Lennye Tran, I am still alive and you see
We have made friends for several months but I am still vague of you, Len. Maybe you are younger than me? so which university or college have you studied now? Hope that you have a pleasure to tell me abt yourself. I am here to learn from you of course
_best wishes_