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Emotional Intelligence!

Postby behnam » Mon Jun 17, 2013 3:43 pm

Hi Moroo,

Many thanks for your prompt reply. I guess, we are both confused. The definition of sadness is different from anger. The relationship between family members, close relatives, and couples are different from the friendship. It is important to differentiate between them.

We must avoid people who are negative. Negative people spread negative energy, increase stress, and express disappointment. We should leave these people. If it is not possible to leave them we should try to spend less time with them and not to let them get to us.

It is very good to listen with empathy and in a nonjudgmental way. However, we should always ask ourselves what helps us feel better. It is not enough to just respect the feelings of others, we have to show others that we care. We do this through empathy and understanding. Plus, we should accept people's feelings. There are just as valid as our own. Listening with empathy and care, without advising, criticizing, controlling and lecturing people increases our emotional intelligence. However, this is very difficult.

Dear Moroo, today I was discussing the election and the new president with some colleagues. I said, "watching TV, last night my wife said the previous president was better than this newly chosen one. But, I believed they were both Iranian and almost the same."

A friend of mine said; "Behnam, your wife is wise. Good for you!"
I replied; "Oh, if your eyes have caught her, and you love my wife, I am ready to give her to you!" People laughed loudly and my friend became embarrassed. Of course, I was joking. I said it humorously.

You are admiring your wife. That's OK., but it has some advantages and disadvantages. You may guarantee some things(!) by praising her, but its disadvantages shouldn't be denied! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

All the ebst,
Behnam, 17 June, 2013
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Re: Let's learn together!

Postby behnam » Mon Jun 17, 2013 7:17 pm

Hi Mohsen,

How are you doing? I hope you are having a good time. Thank you very much for showing great determination in keeping this thread active and alive. So sorry for my inactivity in recent months. I had many things to do, and I wasn't in the mood for writing.

As you have written in the last post, you have been to Dubai. How did you find that city? Would you please mention to some cultural differences? How about the weather and climate? How did you find the people? Cultured and civilized? What was special about Dubai? What was special about the trip? Could you use enjoy the fruits of your hard work in learning English? I mean did you speak English with people?

All the best,
Behnam, 17 June, 2013
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Re: Let's learn together!

Postby [amal] » Tue Jun 18, 2013 2:02 pm

Hi Moroo,

How are you?

Thanks for your kind words. :-)
I think we should be good with others even if they weren't good with us because we are just showing our moral and what our parents taught us and inshallah god will reward us.

Thanks a lot for your advise but you know, my friends who I mentioned in my last post are the best and closer people in my life, they have done a lot of favors to me in my happy and sad times so now no matter what I do to them, they deserve more. Therefore I was sad for them.

It's really sad to see your friend who you take strength from is weak. It's really sad to see your friend who you take happiness from is unhappy. :-(

Thank god now things are better and I am doing my best in order to help them. :-D

Please don't hesitate sharing us your thoughts, I love to read from you.
Wish you the best,
Amal
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Re: Let's learn together!

Postby [amal] » Tue Jun 18, 2013 11:58 pm

Ohhhh Hiii Behnam,

How are you?

Finally, I have missed your words and advices. Thanks for everything, in fact I get your words and maybe you are right with them, my friends' matters caused problems to me but they -the problems- are all tolerable and I shouldn't ignore my best friends for them, you know, what if I was the only hope they had? My presence may help them a lot as you helped me in the past. :-D {-;

Sometimes we just need someone to listen to us and support us. In fact I will be a bad friend if I just left them in their bad times. Moreover, those negative effects or bad impression have made me a stronger person. ;-)

Anyway, how was my impression on you when I was an owl? :lol:

Seriously, you are strong as you said, right? So how was your feelings when I kept nagging about my old story? Did you stay normal or you became sad for me? Emm, did you forget everything after we end the chat?

Oh Oh Behnam, I have some new news and they aren't bad :lol: but you know sadly I can't share them here! {-: SO sadly happiness can't multiply! :lol: I will tell you about them when we chat together. {-;

See you and thank you again.

Amal
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I need your praying!

Postby behnam » Wed Jun 19, 2013 6:39 am

Hi Amal,

I am happy that I have got the chance and opportunity to write to you. I really love writing to you and reading your posts. You are a wonderful friend, and I am really proud of you. Thank you for being my friend. That's a great honour for me.

Dear Amal, at that time you were sad and something was bothering you. You had to complain about the cruelty of life and people. It was normal, because it happened in a short period of time. It wasn't your habit to be negative and to share negative energy all the time. It just was related to your critical situation you were in at that period of time. I liked to listen to you and enjoyed it. However, some people are negative all the time. No matter they are at a wedding party or in a burying ceremony. They are like owls all the time and see the empty half of the glass. We should avoid these people.

Some people keep crying without saying why they are doing it! You decide to help them, to listen to them, or to have empathy for them. They never say what makes them cry. They just cry! A person who was around me for years used to say, "I am sure I won't get married until my dying day. I will die unmarried!" Well, I had the right to ask her/him for the reasons. However, I didn't get any logical reasons. These people are difficult to deal with.

Yesterday, I bought a new car. It is very beautiful. Guess what the colour is? The colour is exactly as the same I am using in chatting and writing on the Net for about 8 years! You see, even the colour I love is known to all people who are around me. This is me, clear and simple, available and accessible. :lol: :lol: :lol:

I wrote about the new car, because I wanted to tell you a story about it. The other day, a friend of mine who used to try to prove that he is sincere and trustworthy, promised to come with me to the company to help me get the car. We made a plan about the time we had to leave the homes, and the possible passes that leaded us to the company safely and quickly. Our final words before saying goodbye were these, "OK. Behnam, just call me in the morning when you want to leave home. I will come with you to help you with the delivering process."

In the morning, I called the friend, but he was at work! He said, "Behnam, come to the office. We can go to the company from the workplace!". He simply broke his promise!

I changed my decision and went to the company on my own. He called me and said, "I am waiting, why don't you come?", I replied, "Thank you very much. You were supposed to wait for me in the morning at home, not at office! I am getting the car. I shouldn't have asked you to come with me. I was wrong. Thank you for not coming. You gave me a very big lesson. You reminded me and highlighted the importance and the accuracy of an old saying which says 'Eat the flesh of your..., but don't ask the butcher for meat'! This is an Azerbaijani saying. It is impolite, but meaningful. :lol: :lol: :lol:

Leave the people around you, even the parents if they are breaking their promises and affecting your life negatively. We shouldn't let negative people play with our emotions and feelings. They have no right to come closer!

Oh something else. Tomorrow this time I will be sitting for an important English exam. Please pray for my success. I haven't studied and practised sufficiently. I am not fully ready for the exam. {-: {-: {-:

All the best,
Behnam, 19 June, 2013
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Re: Let's learn together!

Postby [amal] » Wed Jun 19, 2013 7:19 pm

Hi Behnam,

Oh congratulation on your new car! I am really happy for you. :-)
I love it toooooooo much, the color is lovely and it is Behnamish! :lol:
Oh when are you going to take me for a trip? :lol: {-; :geek: :roll:

I love the blue color which you use in writing but I prefer black for cars. {-;

Oh by the way, write to me about your exam whenever you finish it -tomorrow :lol: - I wish you the best and I am sure that you will pass it with high marks inshallah.

Best wishes,
Amal
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Terrible Exam!

Postby behnam » Thu Jun 20, 2013 1:40 pm

Hi friends,

How are you? I hope you are fantastic. Although the weather is hot, there are many fresh fruits in the market. Thanks to summers we can eat fresh fruits, because in other seasons they sell us frozen vegetables and fruits. My wife has bought some tomatoes which were round and bright; shining like the sunset. I said those unripe tomatoes were picked and kept in freezers. They seemed nice, after slicing one of them up, we fond the inside of it green! Well, ripe fruits cannot be kept in freezers. They put unripe watermelons and tomatoes, etc. in cold places to sell them at the time that the lack of them in the market causes a dramatic increase on their prices!

Oh, I am digressed. On the morning of today, I had TOLIMO exam. TOLIMO is the Iranian version of TOEFL, because the questions and sections are exactly as the same as in TOEFL. Its name is different, and the money that candidates pay is much less than TOEFL price too. By the way, the receiving certificate is only valid in Iranian universities, not anywhere else.

In front of the entrance door, there were some people from both sexes. They were supposed to open the door at 7:30am and to start the exam at 8:00am, but they simply didn't follow the written rules. You know, in some nations rules and laws are just beautifully written on papers, they are not followed and cared. Some candidates came to me and asked me if it was my first time or not that I was taking the exam. They wanted me to share my experience with them, but unfortunately it was my first time. The majority of them were PhD students at different universities. We were four people that broke the ice after a while. After sharing some basic information about each other, we started criticizing the authorities, because they didn't open the door on time. Little by little, the discussion crept into political issues that I always hate! One of them said, 'Iranian people are two-faced and thieves. They are famous for these two characteristics in all over the world!" At this moment, I remembered our friend Mohsen and his reaction, "How are you going to write these things in the thread?", I said to myself. :lol: :lol: :lol: Anyway, I am doing it.

The person was trying to tie these two bad characteristics with the government. I disagreed and said, "According to the history, those two manners have been with Iranians from the binging of the life in Iran. With the exception of 100 years in Achaemenid Empire era mainly at Cyrus the great time(You can google 'Cyrus cylinder' to see how important Iran has been thousands of years ago.), evidence claims that those bad manners can be found throughout the history of Iran, in all eras. This is maybe because of the geography and the kingdom way of ruling of a country for thousands of years. I personally believe that a habitual behaviour becomes gene and transfers from one generation to others."

One of the candidates was studying Genetics. He disagreed with me. He said genes are the same. They don't change. They only transfer from one generation to others by marriage. I asked him some questions. He couldn't answer! I don't want to make you bored.

After getting in and sitting on the chair, I found out that the hanging clock was asleep! Oh my God! The same story again. How am I going to manage the time? When I was sitting for PhD exam, the clock was asleep! Apparently, 'asleep clocks' has become an epidemic in Iran. It shows that Iranians don't care about time! :lol: I complained about the stopped clock and they tried to find a AA battery, but they didn't find any!!! :lol:

The exam was terrible, because the sound quality was awful. I couldn't recognize even one word! I thought I had hearing problem, but after the exam I found out that all candidates couldn't understand the listening section, because the sound system was terrible. The voice wasn't clear at all. Listening section had 50 questions. I answered them just by chance!

There were also 50 questions in Grammar and structure section. Those were simple. I answered them quite well. Although reading section was difficult, I could manage to answer to 25 questions out of 50 questions! Why? Well, the time for reading section finished. I had to listen to ridiculous listening section! I wish I devoted all the time of listening section on reading articles! Listening was a total waste of time! :cry: :cry: :cry:

1) Grammar and structure: 50 questions. I answered quite well.
2) Reading: 50 questions. I answered to 25 questions.
3) Listening: 50 questions. I answered to none of them.

I am going to register again. Next time, I will forget listening section and will distribute its time on reading section. I am one hundred percent certain that even native English speakers cannot understand the listening conversations, because the sound system was really awful.

Oh, dear Amal, I followed your order and took some photos of myself and the new car. I emailed those photos, to all friends of course, yesterday. Did you receive them?

All the best,
Behnam, 20 June, 2013
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Re: Let's learn together!

Postby behnam » Thu Jun 20, 2013 2:00 pm

Hi again,

I forgot to say that writing section was good. The topic was something like this:

Some people think that human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. Do you agree or disagree with this point of view? Why or why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

I did it quite well.

All the best,
Behnam, 20 June, 2013
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Re: Let's learn together!

Postby Maniya » Fri Jun 21, 2013 7:59 am

hi friends
I have university entrance exam on 28 July.
oh my god
unfortunately I have two test, One morning and one afternoon.
Pray for me, I'm so nervous :oops: }:
a flower is beautifull for a day
but love a beautifull flower for ever
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Time is your greatest enemy!

Postby behnam » Sat Jun 22, 2013 11:32 am

Hi Maniya,

How are you? I hope you are fine. I know you are under a lot of stress and pressure. That's normal. Don't panic. I am sure you know that in such exams time is the greatest enemy of candidates. Try to manage your time by wearing a watch or taking a chronometer with yourself. The more accurate time management, the better result achievement.

I wish you success in your exam.
Good luck!

All the best,
Behnam, 22 June, 2013
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