EnglishClub
Home Learn English Teach English MyEnglishClub Home Learn English Teach English MyEnglishClub

Please note that these ESL Forums are NOT part of MyEnglishClub. To post at these ESL Forums please register ↑ first.

Hesitating on an expression

Help on English vocab, including idioms, slang and sayings

Moderator: EC

Hesitating on an expression

Postby BadDisciple » Sat Jul 14, 2012 12:06 pm

Hail all,
Not being a native English speaker I'll always need an advice when it comes to tricky or fine expressions.

Here I'm writing a song about a traveling guy who gives a promise having the best intentions, but his way of life doesn't allow him to keep his word. So I've come to an expression "...words written in the sand...", but that has more syllables than the music length, so I hesitate between these two replacements:
"...words left in the sand..." or "...just words in the sand...". They both match well the music length but to me the first one seems better. Any opinion?

Thanks a lot and best vibes.

Bad Disciple
User avatar
BadDisciple
Member
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:02 am
Location: Belgium
Status: Other

Re: Hesitating on an expression

Postby reindeer » Sat Jul 14, 2012 1:40 pm

Hi,

It would be probably easier to give an advice if you gave us the whole text, or at least a quatrain.
By the way, there is 'creative writing' subsection here on the forum, where you can meet some people who really deal with poetry. Why wouldn't you post your request there too?

All the best,
Andrew
User avatar
reindeer
Gold Member
 
Posts: 118
Joined: Wed Jan 25, 2012 6:57 am
Location: S-Pet
Status: Other

Re: Hesitating on an expression

Postby BadDisciple » Sat Jul 14, 2012 3:15 pm

Ok, it's like the guy is making promises and the promises are "condamned" not to be kept:

“I’ll come again”…
“I won’t forget”…

...words left in the sand...

==>or
[…just words in the sand…]

BD
User avatar
BadDisciple
Member
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:02 am
Location: Belgium
Status: Other

Re: Hesitating on an expression

Postby reindeer » Sat Jul 14, 2012 5:13 pm

Hi Bad one:)
I believe 'just words in the sand' fits perfectly in the context.
Just be aware that I am neither a poet nor native speaker. However, I have couple of songs (with my own lyricks in English).

All the best
Andrew
User avatar
reindeer
Gold Member
 
Posts: 118
Joined: Wed Jan 25, 2012 6:57 am
Location: S-Pet
Status: Other

Re: Hesitating on an expression

Postby BadDisciple » Mon Jul 16, 2012 11:56 am

Reindeer, thanks for the advice. Anyway, as we both are no native English speakers we should both need an advice, shouldn't we...

BD
User avatar
BadDisciple
Member
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:02 am
Location: Belgium
Status: Other


Return to Vocabulary Help

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 8 guests