EnglishClub
Home Learn English Teach English MyEnglishClub

Please note that these ESL Forums are NOT part of MyEnglishClub. To post at these ESL Forums please register ↑ first.


Please help me correct my writing

From academic writing to resumes and cover letters

Moderator: EC

Please help me correct my writing

Postby kaitoukid » Thu Aug 27, 2009 1:34 pm

I have a writing exercise:
Learning in group or learning individually, which do you prefer? Use your experience to support your idea.

I've finished my exercise, can you help me to correct the mistakes in my writing. Here is my writing:

Today, finding a good method to support your study is very important. I used to prefer learning individually but now, when I've heard and experienced the method of learing in group, I prefer that.
Firstly, learning in group can help you save money. Money is a hot problem now. As you know, we have a lot of books , references to buy for our study at school but we don't have much money. Because of that, it's much better if in a group, each one buys a book and shares with the others. You'll have a lot of materials with spending a small sum of money.
Secondly, learning in group can help everyone to complete their work well. You can use some of your friends ideas to support your work and so do they. Furthermore, the leader of the group will divide the work into smaller pieces, so what you have to do is much easier but the result is much better. Remember that many hands make light work.
Thirdly, learning in group can help you practice more. With your friends' help, you can practice what you've read in the books more often, which makes you remember it better. Especially, if you're learning a foreign language, it's necessary to practice speaking it with your friends.
Team learning is no longer new in the world. Everyone should use this method to improve their study at least once to know about its effectiveness. The decision is yours as well as your attempt to improve your study.

Please help me to correct that as soon as possible. I have to hand in on Saturday. Thanks in advance.
User avatar
kaitoukid
Member
 
Posts: 10
Joined: Sun Jan 04, 2009 4:39 am
Status: English Learner

Re: Please help me correct my writing

Postby IvyEyesEditing » Fri Aug 28, 2009 11:57 pm

Hello,

Rather than mark up your post, we would like to give you some tips that can be applied to this piece of writing and anything else that you write for the academic context. This will also help other englishclub.com users to easily apply our advice! Try to keep in mind the following:

-Avoid conversational language. Verbs like 'used to,' expressions like 'a lot'/'many hands make light work' and contractions (e.g. 'I've') are more conversational, and not appropriate for writing of this type.

-Be careful with idiomatic phrases. 'Money is a hot problem right now' is a slight variation of the term 'hot topic.' More importantly, the idiom is not completely appropriate in this context. You might write, 'The current economic climate severely limits the availability and procurement of many educational resources, both to school districts and individual students.'

-Take your thinking one step further. How does teamwork/group work help you to remember information? Can you cite a specific example in which working in a team really enriches the learning process? One thought that comes to mind is with language learning--simulating a real-world language environment is distinctly advantageous!

-Reexamine the prompt. 'Use your experience' to show how learning in a group is beneficial. Try to keep your thinking as specific as possible, and draw on unique anecdotes that will help to substantiate your case.

Your structure is quite good, and I like how you provide targeted points with justification/commentary to strengthen your point of view. You have done some great work, the language just needs some additional refinement.

We hope these tips help, and as always, please let us know if you have any other questions!

Cheers,
Paul
Ivy Eyes Editing
http://www.ivyeyesediting.com
*Email us for a free assessment of your admissions essay, resume or cover letter!*
IvyEyesEditing
Member
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Thu Jul 09, 2009 4:00 pm
Status: English Teacher

Re: Please help me correct my writing

Postby kaitoukid » Sat Aug 29, 2009 2:59 am

Thanks for your help Ivy. I'll try my best to have a better writing.
User avatar
kaitoukid
Member
 
Posts: 10
Joined: Sun Jan 04, 2009 4:39 am
Status: English Learner


Return to Writing Help

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 6 guests