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Please help me grade my essay...

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Please help me grade my essay...

Postby Nabeel » Thu Jun 03, 2010 7:09 pm

Assignment: Is the protection of children and the advocacy of child rights needed more than ever in the world today?

My Response:

Children are the future of mankind. The type of education they receive, the values they are taught, the environment in which they are brought up and what they learn from adults determines the future of mankind. If children are brought up in a very hostile environment, they would grow up to become violent adults and the world would turn into a world of violence and crime. The very same luxuries which we take for granted such as the air we breathe, the natural resources like coal, petroleum, natural gas and water do not belong to us, but belong to our sons and daughters we have simply borrowed it from them. It is our duty to ensure that they get the opportunity to enjoy these resources.

The protection of children and the advocacy of child rights is needed more than ever in today’s world. The world most of us live in is safe, secure and we do not witness any form of abuse of children. In most third world countries, war, uprising, rebellion and political instability have denied most families basic amenities. Children are forced to work and fend for themselves because what their parents earn is not sufficient to support their family. Even in developed countries like India, children are unsafe. There are begging rackets where children are kidnapped and they are asked to go around town begging for money. Sometimes even their hands or legs are cut off because people take pity and pay them more.

Even human trafficking is on a rise; girls are kidnapped from villages and their home towns and are put in brothels or sold as sex slaves. The mafia has many government officials and enforcers on their payroll and the laws are not enforced properly. In many poor countries children are forced to work in factories under hazardous working conditions. Many of these children lose their eyesight as a result of working near hot furnaces in stuffy rooms with poor lighting. We must make sure that these children are protected and they must be given a basic education. They are our future and how we treat them determines the future of mankind.
Nabeel
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Re: Please help me grade my essay...

Postby saadk » Wed Oct 20, 2010 9:18 am

Look my friend I want just ask you something and I want to focus on .

before I ask you I'd tell you I my english not so good .

but could you tell me about your sentence "

The type of education they receive

you used 2 subjects and this is a huge mistake .

you should focus on the structure of sentence .


good luck
saadk
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Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 9:07 am
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