This is a part of my essay, what do you think and if possible, could you please find out possible grammatic errors? Thanks. I'm going to take an IELTS test this weekend.
On the other hand, some people claim that cultural differences should be encouraged. The reason might involve the recognition that cultural diversity is of paramount value in our present society where some cultures are dying out. Here, I part company. Keeping cultural conformity between these two peoples rather than cultural diversity should be put on top priority-not to mention that the latter task is too complicated for tourists and local residents to fulfill.
In the final analysis, although I would concede that cultural diversity might be welcome, conforming to local cultures holds more tantalising promise for the well-being of local communities and overseas visitors. Overall, it is high time that international organisations, travel agencies and people concerned strike a balance between these two ideologies.