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Please check my writing

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Please check my writing

Postby candyboy » Fri Sep 21, 2012 3:03 am

Hi,

I am a newbee. I have an short essay, please correct for me, grammar and punctuation

Thanks,
Ken



I am what I am. I am a rice plant. I go with the breeze. Letting the wind move my body. Not knowing where I go, just following everyone else. I am a student doing whatever my teacher tells me. I am really shy. I am always afraid to talk to new people because I may act like a weirdo. I try to avoid new people like how a positive magnet tries to connect with the other positive magnet. I am like a lonely fish trying to swim up stream, struggling with the current going against me. It is hard for me to do things alone but I get more work done in a group where people can help me.
I am what I am. I am like a ghost. People not knowing I am there looking right through me. I act like a big yellow sun on a clear day. I help them see but they forget about me later. I am always there but always be ignored. Nobody ever helps me but I am willing to help others. People acting like I am just a dust bunny in the corner of the room lying still.
I am what I am. I am a tennis player. Hitting the ball back and forth over the net. Hitting the ball and hearing that perfect wiffing sound when you hit the ball perfectly in the middle of your racket with a lot of spin. Hearing the other team grunt when they could not hit the ball back at me. Getting aces on my serves make me feel as happy as a person getting an A on a test after all the studying. I practice my serves so I would try to get it in most of the time and every time I mess up, I always try my best to fix what I did wrong. I try pretty hard when I practice or when I play a real match. I love hearing that perfect sound after you slice the ball with your racket and that sound when it barely clears over the net. Every time a ball comes close to me, I always hit it like how a magnet attracts metal.
I appear to be weird but I am actually really fastidious and caring. Just because some people see that I am Asian does not mean that I am going to be a weird kid with an accent and that barely knows any English. I do not like it when everybody makes fun of me because I am Asian. I am just like a normal grain of rice in the bowl. I am like everybody else. I am nothing different than the guy you see in your classroom. Just because I wear glasses does not mean I am going to be a nerd.
I am what I am. In the future, I hope to go to a university and become an aerospace engineer. To become an engineer, I would have to try to get into a remarkable college or university. I would like to be a part of the people who help the astronauts go to the space by help making their planes. I want to make the next generation see my inventions or see my name when they talk about the person who helped make the rover that discovered a new planet. That would make me feel so incredible to help NASA or Boeing to make their future generations of airplanes. Seeing the plane I make go up in the sky, flying higher than the birds, and higher than the clouds.
I am what I am. I care about my family. My parents have always been there for me. I am an only child so I do not have anybody around me except for my parents. We do a lot of things together like telling stories, watch TV, explain how our day was, and even crack smiles. We have had bad and good days but we will always have each other’s back.
candyboy
New Member
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri Sep 21, 2012 2:46 am
Status: English Learner

Re: Please check my writing

Postby EnglishFix » Sun Jul 14, 2013 3:50 am

I am what I am. I am a rice plant. I go with the breeze. Letting the wind move my body. Not knowing where I go, just following everyone else. I am a student doing whatever my teacher tells me. I am really shy. I am always afraid to talk to new people because I may act like a weirdo. I try to avoid new people like the way a positive magnet tries not to connect with another positive magnet. I am like a lonely fish trying to swim up stream, struggling with the current going against me. It is hard for me to do things alone but I get more work done in a group where people can help me.

I am what I am. I am like a ghost. People not knowing I am there and looking right through me. I act like a big yellow sun on a clear day. I help them see but they forget about me later. I am always there but always ignored. Nobody ever helps me but I am willing to help others. People act like I am just a dust bunny in the corner of the room lying still.

I am what I am. I am a tennis player. Hitting the ball back and forth over the net. Hitting the ball and hearing that perfect wiffing sound when you hit the ball perfectly in the middle of your racket with a lot of spin. Hearing the other team grunt when they could not hit the ball back at me. Getting aces on my serves make me feel as happy as a person getting an A on a test after all the studying. I practice my serves so I try to get it in most of the time and every time I mess up, I always try my best to fix what I did wrong. I try pretty hard when I practice or when I play a real match. I love hearing that perfect sound after you slice the ball with your racket and that sound when it barely clears over the net. Every time a ball comes close to me, I always hit it like how a magnet attracts metal.

I appear to be weird but I am actually really fastidious and caring. Just because some people see that I am Asian does not mean that I am going to be a weird kid with an accent that barely knows any English. I do not like it when everybody makes fun of me because I am Asian. I am just like a normal grain of rice in the bowl. I am like everybody else. I am nothing different than the guy you see in your classroom. Just because I wear glasses does not mean I am going to be a nerd.

I am what I am. In the future, I hope to go to a university and become an aerospace engineer. To become an engineer, I have to try to get into a remarkable college or university. I would like to be a part of the people who help the astronauts go into the space by helping to make their spaceships. I want to make the next generation see my inventions or see my name when they talk about the person who helped make the rover that discovered a new planet. That would make me feel so incredible to help NASA or Boeing to make their future generations of aircraft. Seeing the plane I make go up in the sky, flying higher than the birds, and higher than the clouds.

I am what I am. I care about my family. My parents have always been there for me. I am an only child so I do not have anybody around me except for my parents. We do a lot of things together like telling stories, watching TV, explaining how our day was, and even cracking smiles. We have had bad and good days but we will always have each other’s back.
EnglishFix
Silver Member
 
Posts: 34
Joined: Fri Jul 05, 2013 12:12 am
Status: English Teacher


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