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Motivational letter. Not sure if correct.

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Motivational letter. Not sure if correct.

Postby fermerius » Sun Jun 30, 2013 4:50 pm

Dear native speakers,

I'm applying to university in UK. Could you please quickly look through it and show me the mistakes ?
Thank you very much.


Dear Sirs, Madams

I am interested to apply for a Bachelor's Degree Program in Computers Science course, starting in 2013. My name is Ilja, I am 23 years old young man from Latvia. Since my very childhood I've been wondering what differs the most successful people from others. I still can't say if I know the answer, but I think determination is the key factor. Because it's all that matters in a long run.
Even though information technology is one of the most rapid developing areas, it's not very well paid in my country. I've started to study programming by myself a couple of years ago and developed a few web-based applications.
I have decided to study abroad for many reasons. The main reason is to master my programming skills, develop necessary skill set and become high demand employee. The living standards in Latvia are lower then in UK and I'm looking forward the opportunity to change my lifestyle as well as contribute to society. I am also excited about the possibility to challenge myself in a new environment and meet new people.

Out of all computer skills programming is my area of expertise. The profession is all about the problem solving, which can get very creative sometimes, just as in a real life. The ability to create is what excites me the most about the programming, unlike other jobs in computing it allows to create something of your own and share it. Which I believe is one of the greatest pleasures in man's life. I also like the fact that I'm getting technical education and that IT specialists are always in demand. I plan to build international career in this field. Studying in the UK will be a great opportunity because British educational system has very high standards of education.

For the past few years I've been working in major American travel corporation. It was a performance-based-salary job, which led me towards developing such qualities as purposefulness, persistence, ability to focus. A lot of work had to be coordinated between various departments thus multitasking and team work were a big part of it. Essential skill to this job was communication, which I mastered by learning neuro linguistic programming. As it went further I've become interested in mind power and mental trainings. It's a big part of me now and I implement it in all aspects of my life, in work, in relationships, in sports. This job has given me a lot, but it's time to move on and find my place in life. Ten years from now I see myself as a very competent expert in computer field or as entrepreneur building a software company.

Overall, I am very energetic, open and eager to learn. In school I have always been good at exact sciences.
In my late school years I've been chosen as a member of the school council and significantly contributed by organizing school events. As to my non-academic activities, I'm into sports and philosophy. I've been doing swimming for 6 years, dancing for 3 years and for the past 7 years I've been working out on my own at the gym. I like philosophy because it helps me to stay centered, down to earth and gives me clarity of thought and keeps me on the determined path.

This opportunity to study in UK will broaden my horizons and will give me a world class education and help me to create the life that I've always wanted. Considering my skills and great love for a subject I believe your program will benefit immensely from my presence. Thank you very much in advance for this opportunity and for considering my application.
fermerius
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Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Jun 30, 2013 4:32 pm
Status: English Learner

Re: Motivational letter. Not sure if correct.

Postby EnglishFix » Tue Jul 16, 2013 4:11 am

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am interested to apply for a Bachelor's Degree Program in Computers Science course, starting in 2013. My name is Ilja, I am 23 years old young man from Latvia. Since my very childhood I've been wondering what differs the most successful people from others. I still can't say if I know the answer, but I think determination is the key factor. Because it's all that matters in a long run.
Even though information technology is one of the most rapid developing areas, it's not very well paid in my country. I've started to study programming by myself a couple of years ago and developed a few web-based applications.
I have decided to study abroad for many reasons. The main reason is to master my programming skills, develop necessary skill set and become high demand employee. The living standards in Latvia are lower then in UK and I'm looking forward the opportunity to change my lifestyle as well as contribute to society. I am also excited about the possibility to challenge myself in a new environment and meet new people.

Out of all the computer skills, programming is my area of expertise. The profession is all about the problem solving, which can get very creative sometimes, just as in a real life. The ability to create is what excites me the most about programming, unlike other jobs in computing it allows you to create something of your own and share it which I believe is one of the greatest pleasures in a person's life. I also like the fact that I'm getting technical education and that IT specialists are always in demand. I plan to build an international career in this field. Studying in the UK will be a great opportunity because the British educational system has very high standards of education.

For the past few years, I've been working at a major American travel corporation. It was a performance-based salary job, which led me towards developing such qualities as purposefulness, persistence, and the ability to focus. A lot of work had to be coordinated between various departments thus multitasking and team work were a big part of it. An essential skill to this job was communication, which I mastered by learning neuro linguistic programming. As I went further, I've become interested in mind power and mental trainings. It's a big part of me now and I implement it in all aspects of my life, in work, in relationships, and in sports. This job has given me a lot, but it's time to move on and find my place in life. Ten years from now I see myself as a very competent expert in the computer field or as entrepreneur building a software company.

Overall, I am very energetic, open and eager to learn. In school I have always been good at the exact sciences. In my later school years, I was chosen as a member of the school council and significantly contributed by organizing school events. As to my non-academic activities, I'm into sports and philosophy. I've been swimming for six years, dancing for three years and for the past seven years I've been working out on my own at the gym. I like philosophy because it helps me to stay centered, down to earth, and gives me clarity of thought and keeps me on a determined path.

This opportunity to study in UK will broaden my horizons and will give me a world class education and help me to create the life that I've always wanted. Considering my skills and my great love for the subject, I believe your program will benefit immensely from my presence. Thank you very much in advance for this opportunity and for considering my application.
EnglishFix
Silver Member
 
Posts: 34
Joined: Fri Jul 05, 2013 12:12 am
Status: English Teacher


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