When will Jesus bring the pork chops? by George Carlin.
When I first saw the title of the book, I was, Meh, I don't see myself reading it
. But then I kept bumping into it here and there. I thought it was a sign telling me I should give it a try. So I did. And I was reading it from its first page to the end nonstop. I could not stop myself from laughing and nodding, "Uh huh! That's right!"
I laugh for his witty humor and I laugh for his extraordinary observation about surrounding life. If you would like how Americans think about America, try this book out. Conservative religious peeps, please don't read if you can't take jokes from the outsiders. People who are easily offended, please don't touch the book either.
This is a story that I quote from the book,
"The continuing story of Mary and Joseph: "It's a boy""
Mary: Joe, we're gonna have a baby.
Joe: What? That's impossible. All I ever do is put it between your thighs.
Mary: Well, I don't know. Something must've gone wrong.
Joe: Who says you're pregnant?
Mary: An angel appeared to me in the backyard and said so.
Joe: An angel?
Mary: An angel of God. His name was Gabriel. He had a trumpet and he appeared to me in the backyard.
Joe: He what?
Mary: He appeared to me.
Joe: Was he naked?
Mary: No. I think he had on a raincoat. I don't really know. He was glowing so brightly.
Joe: Mary, you're under a lot of stress. Why don't you take a few days off from the shop. The accounts can wait.
Mary: I'm telling you, Joe. This Angel Gabriel said that God wanted me to have his baby.
Joe: Did you ask for some sort of sign?
Mary: Of course I did. He said tomorrow morning I'd start getting sick.
Joe: But why should God want a kid?
Mary: Well, Gabriel said that according to Luke it's kind of an ego thing. Plus, he promised the Jews a long time ago; it's just that he never got around to it. But now he that he feels ready
for children he doesn't want to just make them out of clay or dust. He wants to get humans involved.
Joe: Well, is he going to help toward raising the kid? God knows we can't do it alone. I could use a bigger shop, and maybe he could throw a couple of those nice crucifix contracts my way. The Romans are nailin' up everything that walks.
Mary: Honey, Gabriel said not to worry. The kid would be a real winner. A public speaker and good with miracles.
Joe: Well, that's a relief. Anyway, I guess now that you're officially pregnant I can start puttin' it inside you.
Mary: I'm sorry, honey. God wants it to be strictly a virgin birth.
Joe: I don't get it.
Mary: That's right, Joe.
Joe: Don't I get to do anything?
Mary: He wants you to come up with a name for the kid.
Joe: Jesus Christ!
Mary: Joe, you're so heavy."
Another one is, " WHAT HAPPENED? Washington, Jefferson, Franklin, Madison, Adams, Hamilton, Things were going well. Then Ford, Quayle, Mondale, Agnew, Nixon, Clinton, Dole, Bush I, Bush II. What happened? "
That's all, if you want more, get the book.