EnglishClub
Home Learn English Teach English MyEnglishClub Home Learn English Teach English MyEnglishClub

Please note that these ESL Forums are NOT part of MyEnglishClub. To post at these ESL Forums please register ↑ first.

My translation of lyrics

Add your poems, essays and short stories here. Please do not post work by other writers.

Moderators: Vega, EC

My translation of lyrics

Postby Nickz » Sun May 10, 2009 5:48 am

I've done some English translations for the songs I like. I've tried to translate them as poems. Here they are, please give your opinions and corrections, I really appreciate them all. Thank you ^^

A winter day

Comes a day the sky's no longer blue
Comes a day the trees remain in silence
Comes the wind of another winter
Comes the leaves falling in the air

Gone the dews on green grass
Gone your footsteps on the stair
Gone wide flowers in the falls
Here I'm standing still waiting for you

Now I realize I've lost you
The rain's singing me an endless sorrow
My broken heart keeps whispering of my love for you.


A moment of yesterday

Our last light of love was gone with the close of day
The feelings I had now seems to quickly fade
Thinking of last moment we met, here in regret I stay
You went away and never come back, babe

You took my world with your leave saying nothing
Endless nights go by, in my heart the pain keeps bleeding
Silently I reach out the all the memories we once made
The ring you gave still reminds of your warm embrace

Together we sang our songs in golden sunsets
I closed my eyes to feel every kiss you gave
Looking at you, thousand times I wanted to say
"Love me, love me forever babe"

Come back to me
Back to me
Back to every sweetest moments we shared

Come back to me
Back to me
All memories about us have never ever faded
Nickz
New Member
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun May 10, 2009 5:35 am
Status: Other

Re: My translation of lyrics

Postby ReneeMarie » Wed May 13, 2009 6:30 pm

Hello. Your English is very good. I'll just make a few corrections: When you say "comes" I would say "there comes" or "there is coming". I believe you can say "dews", but it sounds akward. I would say "dew".

Our last light of love was gone with the close of day
The feelings I had now seems [it should be "seem", because the word "feelings" is plural]to quickly fade
Thinking of [the] last moment we met, here in regret I stay
You went away and never come back, babe

You took my world with your leave saying nothing
Endless nights go by, in my heart the pain keeps bleeding
Silently I reach out [to] all the memories we once made
The ring you gave still reminds [me] of your warm embrace

Together we sang our songs in golden sunsets
I closed my eyes to feel every kiss you gave
Looking at you, [a] thousand times I wanted to say
"Love me, love me forever babe"

Come back to me
Back to me
Back to every sweetest moments [there can only be one "sweetest" moment--one more sweet than all others] we shared

Come back to me
Back to me
All memories about us have never ever faded


I think you do well with your translating. I'm trying to learn a second language right now. I just tried to translate some songs into English and found out it is much harder than it seems! However, you have made them sound very beautiful. I especially like the part about the rain "singing an endless sorrow". I am curious--what language were these songs originally?
ReneeMarie
New Member
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon May 04, 2009 12:05 am
Status: English Teacher

Re: My translation of lyrics

Postby Nickz » Fri May 15, 2009 9:46 am

Thank you ReneeMarie,

I really appreciate your help ;-) These songs are originally in Vietnamese .
Nickz
New Member
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun May 10, 2009 5:35 am
Status: Other


Return to Creative Writing

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests