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strange sonnet

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strange sonnet

Postby shakespear » Sun Jul 19, 2009 7:10 am

Strange sonnet

Don't depart O dear! Days are delightful dreams.
Let's live lovely life, lick lips lustfully.
Buy beauty beside bliss, buy big bright beams.
Sing so soft songs, "Siren" start songs slightly.

* * *
You're yap yearn to yoke, years yarn the yellow
Hey hobo here! Have ye heeded hind?
Fight foes for freedom, fall down for fellow.
Can't you come closely? Can't you keep kind?

* * *
My mass's much, Magian maid made me mad.
Tiny titmouse touched torn temper timely.
Save sick single, sinking in sins, still sad.
Rude rook raped roe, rain ran round road roughly.
Can you guess my poem either good or bad?
Don't be shy please! And show your opinion frankly.
our life is like a night mare
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Re: strange sonnet

Postby sweets » Sun Jul 19, 2009 5:09 pm

so strange that i can not comment on :-?

really i have no idea or word to say
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Re: strange sonnet

Postby shakespear » Mon Jul 20, 2009 7:52 am

hi
thnx to be the 1st as i thought
plz say anything just comment and don`t be shy
did u discover the construction of lines that they begins with same sounds
c u
our life is like a night mare
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Re: strange sonnet

Postby sweets » Mon Jul 20, 2009 5:56 pm

i read the sonnet manytime but in vain :cry: i did not get anything

maybe i have to read it when i wakeup

cu
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Re: strange sonnet

Postby shakespear » Thu Jul 23, 2009 7:55 am

hello
read it plz and discover that all the lines begin with the same sounds
c u and thnx
our life is like a night mare
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Re: strange sonnet

Postby sweets » Thu Jul 23, 2009 2:58 pm

wellllllllllllllllllllll
in notice sounds but iam looking for different thing i donot know what it is :-|
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Re: strange sonnet

Postby Psixochka » Wed Jul 29, 2009 6:35 am

Hi!

This is strange poem... I didn't get it, but I noticed sounds... And I don't know what to comment on....
Maybe you hint us what your poem is about? :oops:
Scio me nihil scire. (Latin)
I know, that I know nothing. (By Socrates)
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Re: strange sonnet

Postby shakespear » Wed Jul 29, 2009 12:12 pm

hello
i made it trying to begin the lines with the same sound so one can see that
thnx 4 ur comments
c u and gd luck
our life is like a night mare
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Re: strange sonnet

Postby sweets » Wed Jul 29, 2009 5:14 pm

Goodevening
And fianlly i get why i didn't understand it {-:


first i miss the tone that i used to you have unique structure which i miss it this time

second you fouce on sounds it's so over react i did not enjoy with ,i belive that mession of poem is to express your ideas in a way help other to react with you .

sorry for those harsh comments but this is my feelings towards ur poem

cu
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Re: strange sonnet

Postby shakespear » Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:03 am

hi
don't be sorry koz its ur point of view and i respect it and i thnk u r werite koz when we focus on tone we sometimes lose the important thing i.e the idea , the spirit of the poem and the poem will be weak.
really in this poem , as u said , i wanna try something else, new and treating with sounds and tone.
thnx and i wanna u open ur inbox
c u and gd luck
our life is like a night mare
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