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Could you correct my cover letter, please?

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Could you correct my cover letter, please?

Postby okluka » Mon Aug 02, 2010 12:32 pm

Hello, could you please check my cover letter. I would be very grateful. Thanks

Dear Ms. XY

I am a student of journalism and international relations at Masaryk University and I would like to be considered for an internship on XY form summer 2011.
I am able to write in English, in which I am at C1 level. What is more, I worked in England for three months during summer and currently I am preparing myself for the CAE exam in March. I have also some knowledge of French language, which I have learned for five years.
In addition, I have some knowledge about European Union as I am a student of International relations and dealing with issues of European Union and its institutions is part of my curriculum.
I have had the chance of honing my journalistic abilities on courses at university and working in magazine for social studies students. That all have supplied me with many helpful skills and techniques and given me experience and knowledge of how to work in a team.
I am convinced, an internship on XY would strongly enrich my future carrier, help me in prospective profession and give me the additional polish I need as a journalist.
If you need more information, please let me know and I look forward to sending you any requirements as soon as possible.

Thank you for considering my application

Sincerely

XY
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Re: Could you correct my cover letter, please?

Postby hermit » Wed Sep 15, 2010 10:21 pm

Suggestions"

Paragraph 2 - "...and working in magazine publication for social studies students. All has supplied me with...".
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Re: Could you correct my cover letter, please?

Postby Vega » Mon Sep 20, 2010 8:25 pm

Suggestions"

1. I think "What is more, ..." in the 2nd paragraph is less attractive. Maybe: Apart from that, ..

2. "If you need more information, please let me know and I look forward to sending you any requirements as soon as possible."

This sounds tactless to me. You should be brief here, because if they will be interested, they are supposed to contact and ask for additional things. :-)

3. "In addition, I have some knowledge about European Union as I am a student of International relations and dealing with issues of European Union and its institutions is part of my curriculum."

This part also needs some correction. You tell us that you're a student and deal with issues of EU, at the same time, in the beginning we see: "..., I have some knowledge ..."
This raises doubts on your competency. :-?


P.S.
This is my personal criticism. You may apply on your own discretion.
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