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She...........

Add your poems, essays and short stories here. Please do not post work by other writers.

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She...........

Postby sweets » Sun Oct 24, 2010 3:53 pm

she could not sleep that night
waiting for sun to shine

she did not eat ...she did not drink
I do not even know how she dress up !!!!!

she went there ...to there first place
sit and did not care who world was moving

she passed time thinking about him ..how he would look after last time ..did he shavethis time ????????????????

Set and wait but no onecame
looking to watch every mintue noooo every second set and wait that's alllllllll

I looked to her and felt sorry towards her
world was moving but she set and wait
maybe she had that little shiny hope
or maybe she had nothing to do

now she is thinking if he is here and looking for her!!!
will she forgive being late ???

now she is walking here and there searching between faces

I do not know what is going on her mind but Iknow one thing

how is to hi
how hard to say bye
sweets
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Re: She...........

Postby Vega » Sun Oct 24, 2010 5:53 pm

Keep writing! :-)
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Re: She...........

Postby sweets » Mon Oct 25, 2010 3:19 pm

i guess u better to say WelocmeBack with ur writes
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Re: She...........

Postby Vega » Tue Oct 26, 2010 4:10 pm

Welcome back!
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Re: She...........

Postby sweets » Tue Oct 26, 2010 4:46 pm

Thank u
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Re: She...........

Postby shakespear » Tue Oct 26, 2010 5:55 pm

hello
i think its sth new and i interested in reading it really its fantastic and i won't praise the poem or the poetess who wrote the poem koz we all know the poetess and her ability to write great poems and we know that she has imagination full of images and fantasies. here i wanna suggest changing some words and making some changes to make the poem seem perfect:
line 4: dressed instead of dress
line 6: how instead of who
line 7 :seem instead of look to remove ambiguity....look after= treat
line 9 :sit instead of set i think its stronger than set
line 10: omit looking to and start with : watching every .......second but she still wait......
line 12 : ......but she still sit and wait.....
line17- among instead of between
19- how is lovely to say how
20- how is........


now i complete my comment and suggestion and hope u admire my changes but initially and finally all the matter is up to u
thnx 4 ur patience
c u and good luck
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Re: She...........

Postby sweets » Wed Oct 27, 2010 4:38 pm

gooooooooooooooooooooood evening

frist thank you for this welcome
and thank u for ur suggestions
waiting ur new????????????
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Re: She...........

Postby shakespear » Thu Oct 28, 2010 6:56 pm

hello
u r welcome and i think u r fantastic in this poem
i wanna u go on and write more and more....
have nice moments
c u
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Re: She...........

Postby sweets » Mon Nov 01, 2010 5:06 pm

well i hope that i could post anther one soooooooon

so how about u any new ?
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Re: She...........

Postby shakespear » Thu Nov 04, 2010 7:54 am

hello
i don't know but i think i have one poem and i'll finish it soon
thnx and have nice moments
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