Please rate my essay. Thank you very much in advance!

Members help members on grammar, vocab, pronunciation...

Moderator: EC

Post Reply
Gladchenko
Member
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Jan 18, 2011 11:07 pm
Status: Learner of English

Please rate my essay. Thank you very much in advance!

Post by Gladchenko »

Some people believe that universities are responsible for preparation of young people for employment. Others believe universities have other responsibilities. What do you think about the responsibilities of universities?

The discussion, which is connected with education, in many cases, tries defining the main duties of universities. As a result, there have been formed two pole opinions. The first one is that universities are Alma Mater in the full meaning of this word. The second one supports the position that universities are just an educational institution, which should provide students some scientific knowledge. However, in the opinion of the author of this essay this issue requires a balance between two introductory positions.

It has become a very opinion popular that universities should include a wide diversity of responsibilities. People suggest that the world is very changeable and unpredictable, and the university should help its alumni with finding job or developing their CVs. This position is sensible because the graduates should be more competitive in the world labour market.

However, it would not be a democratic discussion if there was only one opinion to the question. There is a very significant part of society, which supposes that the main aim of a university to provide only high quality education. The problem is that in the present agenda, universities have many difficult tasks, and in many situations, they are not able to carry out additional duties. For example, nowadays there is a serious crisis and universities are being forced to reduce their expenditures.

At the same time, from the author's point of view, this issue needs a compromise between two pole positions. In many cases, the universities can go away from the framework of education. There are some services, which can be useful for students, such as help with writing CV or advice, which is connected with students' career prospects. However, some kinds of support cannot be provided by universities. For instance, the university is not the organisation, which is responsible for the unemployment of its alumni because this educational institution is not eligible to find a working place for everyone.

There have been introduced a very strain discussion between two groups of people. The supporters of the first opinion think that responsibilities of the universities are very wide, and in many cases, they should replace other organisations and institutions. At the same time, other people believe that there is a traditional framework for educational process, and universities should be only the educational institution. However, usually it is better when the policy on education represents the opinions of different participants in a doubtful discussion. In this case, the whole educational system becomes more efficient. The author is sure that this balance will breathe new life into the university education.
User avatar
Joe
Admin/Teacher
Admin/Teacher
Posts: 1789
Joined: Thu Dec 18, 2003 6:56 am
Status: Teacher of English
Location: England

Re: Please rate my essay. Thank you very much in advance!

Post by Joe »

Your essay is incomplete. It has no title.
User avatar
Vega
Top Contributor
Top Contributor
Posts: 1532
Joined: Tue Sep 19, 2006 2:59 pm
Status: Learner of English

Re: Please rate my essay. Thank you very much in advance!

Post by Vega »

I rate it 5 out of 5.)
clevermae
Member
Posts: 48
Joined: Wed Nov 18, 2009 6:10 am
Status: Learner of English

Re: Please rate my essay. Thank you very much in advance!

Post by clevermae »

9 out of 10! It's almost perfect but make it more simple to understand it well.
User avatar
sweethuman
Top Contributor
Top Contributor
Posts: 559
Joined: Tue May 10, 2011 7:18 am
Status: Other

Re: Please rate my essay. Thank you very much in advance!

Post by sweethuman »

Gladchenko wrote:Some people believe that universities are responsible for preparation of young people for employment. Others believe universities have other responsibilities. What do you think about the responsibilities of universities?

The discussion, which is connected with education, in many cases, tries defining the main duties of universities. As a result, there have been formed two pole opinions. The first one is that universities are Alma Mater in the full meaning of this word. The second one supports the position that universities are just an educational institution, which should provide students some scientific knowledge. However, in the opinion of the author of this essay this issue requires a balance between two introductory positions.

It has become a very opinion popular that universities should include a wide diversity of responsibilities. People suggest that the world is very changeable and unpredictable, and the university should help its alumni with finding job or developing their CVs. This position is sensible because the graduates should be more competitive in the world labour market.

However, it would not be a democratic discussion if there was only one opinion to the question. There is a very significant part of society, which supposes that the main aim of a university to provide only high quality education. The problem is that in the present agenda, universities have many difficult tasks, and in many situations, they are not able to carry out additional duties. For example, nowadays there is a serious crisis and universities are being forced to reduce their expenditures.

At the same time, from the author's point of view, this issue needs a compromise between two pole positions. In many cases, the universities can go away from the framework of education. There are some services, which can be useful for students, such as help with writing CV or advice, which is connected with students' career prospects. However, some kinds of support cannot be provided by universities. For instance, the university is not the organisation, which is responsible for the unemployment of its alumni because this educational institution is not eligible to find a working place for everyone.There have been introduced a very strain discussion between two groups of people. The supporters of the first opinion think that responsibilities of the universities are very wide, and in many cases, they should replace other organisations and institutions. At the same time, other people believe that there is a traditional framework for educational process, and universities should be only the educational institution. However, usually it is better when the policy on education represents the opinions of different participants in a doubtful discussion. In this case, the whole educational system becomes more efficient. The author is sure that this balance will breathe new life into the university education.
I really liked the sentence highlighted Blue and thats is very well said. However I would go with Josef's points of veiw that the TITLE is mentioned. So, 8 out of 10. Because Title mostly tells the whole story of the topic even without reading it.
Post Reply