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English texts in my mobile game

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English texts in my mobile game

Postby Wednesday » Sun Jul 15, 2012 7:32 pm

Hello,

this forum have already helped me in the past with some corrections of English texts in my small freeware game. Now I'm working on another game so I need your help again :).

I'm still trying to improve my English, but I know I still make many mistakes.

This is again quite a little game, so there is not much text in it. There are actually only two screens with text + decription of the game:

Code: Select all
Instruction screen:

[Fly right through the center of the gate as accurately as you can.]
[Hold your phone like this. Tilt it to control your ship.]
[For the best sound experience, use your headphones.]
[When you see this crystal, tap it to slow down your ship.]
[Tap to continue.]

______________________________________
About screen:

Thank you for trying this game!

First, I would like to say that this game is not final - it’s not even close to the final version. Programming for Windows Phone 7 is only my hobby and I don’t have as much time as I would like to have.

Write a review on Marketplace on what you think about this game, how you would improve and expand it or what you like and dislike about it, so I can take your view into consideration when creating the final version of this game.

If you want to encourage and support me, you can buy this demo :).

______________________________________
Description:

Fly the spaceship through the universe! Become an expert in its control and achieve the highest score by flying through the space gates! Watch your surroundings and catch the space crystals to slow down your ship, so you'll be able to fly through the gates with greater accuracy. The greater accuracy, the higher the score!

Paid version of this game is the same as the trial version. By purchasing this game, you will encourage the author to further development.

Thank you in advance for your help with the correction!
Wednesday
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Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Oct 27, 2011 3:51 pm
Status: English Learner

Re: English texts in my mobile game

Postby darcy » Tue Jul 24, 2012 12:43 pm

It looks good to me. The only corrections I would make are in the last paragraph:

The paid version of this game is the same as the trial version. By purchasing this game, you will encourage the author to develop it further.
darcy
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Posts: 8
Joined: Tue Jul 24, 2012 7:42 am
Location: Oxford, UK
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