Let's learn together!

[Elham]

Dear Amal,

How are you honey? Hope you are feeling better now.

You have heard such a very very sad news and I do feel your emotions my dear. What could you say to her?! Oh, if I were you I really didn't know how to react, just like you!
Oh poor your friend... nothing is worth than missing a beloved one, specially a husband for a woman! It's the saddest disaster in a woman's life!

May god help her to tolerate this very difficult situation and give her strength to continue bravely!

Wish to hear happy news from you soon next time,

Elham

[Mohsen]

Dear Friends,

For a week I am away from you , I take a trip to Mashad . This was my brother who invited me to have a travel together and I accepted it ,because I believe in destiny , maybe my fate destined to be beside of holy shrine of Imam Reza during important days of Arafeh and Eid al Adha . Here I take this opportunity to wish the best for all you and congratulate my Muslim friends for coming of Eis al Adha. May I bothered some of you by my words ,please forgive me from bottom of your heart.

Good Luck
Mohsen

[WiLZiN]

Hi Amal...

How are you my dearest dear?!


I'm so sad to know is shucking news. May Allah bliss and forgive him.
When I was at 7th class in school, I knew that one of my classmate has a very painful crash on the road between Damascus and Homs. Her father had died wail she had dangerous Injuries.
I received the news wail I was having my dinner, In that time I stopped eating and went to my room and I started to cray. I forgot the problems between us and forgave her for all what she did against me.

Amal, your tears are very precious and I feel what you feel. You have a sensitive lovely clean heart and I proud to be one of your friends.


Yours sincerely...

- WiLZiN -

[behnam]

Hi friends,

You cannot imagine how happy I was when I read your kind messages. Some people sent me e-cards. I'd like to express my sincere thanks to all friends for their kindness and care towards me. I am really a lucky person, since I've got some valuable treasures. In fact, my friends are real treasures.

I'm sure you are interested in hearing about babies and their mother. Thankfully,they are very well. As my Iranian friends know, in Iran, when a lady gives birth, her mother and sisters help her with chores and looking after babies for 10 days. Obviously, mothers and sisters prefer their own home to in-laws' home. Therefore, for 10 days new mother and the baby(babies in my case! ) receive service at her father's home. After 10 days, they give babies a wash and throw a name-giving party. New father's early family participate in both washing and name-giving processes too. Before giving name, an old member of families( an experienced person of two families who plays the role of leader among them) tells Azan and Eghame in the right and left ear of babies respectively.*

After the party and giving name, the mother and her baby come to their own home. In some cases, they stay at father's home for 40 days. It depends on many factors, e.g. the distance of family's home from each other, the closeness between two families, the workplace of parents, the social level of families, the behaviour of new father, etc. There is no fixed rules for this ceremony.

In my case, you should know, I wanted my wife to stay at her father's home for 40 days(I didn't say 'I allowed her to stay..'! ). That's easy and safe for her and the babies. To be honest, it is easier for me too. I am terrible at babysitting.

I was with them until Friday morning. I caught a nasty cod. Because of catching cold, I had to leave them alone. In fact, they forced me to leave them for the sake of health and safety. These days, I am alone at home. There is nobody to cook me, to nurse me, to massage me, to care about me! I am not cruel at all. Well, I've done my work! Now, it is their responsibility to look after babies. You should know, giving a lady the chance of being the mother of two sons isn't an easy task! It takes a lot of efforts and attempts. If it was easy, Mohsen could do it too!

Joking aside, in my opinion, women's roles in life is much more important than men's roles! Honestly speaking, we men must confess that we do nothing compared with what ladies carry out in life. Sincerely speaking, women are much more capable and effective than men. I really felt embarrassed, and I still feel guilty of being ineffective in comparison with my wife. Why is she under that much stress, pain, pressure, difficulties? Why is she under that much responsibilities? Just because of being a lady creates so many responsibilities, difficulties, problems, troubles, etc for her! This is not fair. I don't know whether these duties and responsibilities are given to her by nature(their natural talents) or by men! I don't know, but I am sure life-based tasks are not distributed fairly. There is no balance between men and women's responsibilities in life. I guess, throughout the history men have been selfish and cruel.

Some friends have asked me about my feelings and the future. As all fathers, I am happy. On the other hand, I feel as if a heavy load is put on my back. This new role will affect my life both negatively and positively. For example, it will affect my work negatively, since I have to divide my attention.

We haven't finalized our decision about employing a nurse. I personally agree with it, but my wife disagrees!!!

Dear friends, Elham, Mohsen, Amal, Mortaza, Nana, Wilzin, Oriani...thank you very much for your friendly messages. I'd have replied you individually, but unfortunately, I am pressed for time. I really love reading your posts and writing to you. I do feel proud of you.

I wish you happy moments in life. Thank you very much indeed.


All the best,
Behnam, 21 October, 2012

* [Azan and Eghame are two National Anthems of Islam(Shiite group].

[setayesh]

WoOoOoW!!!

Congratulations Behnam!!!!!

How are you new father?I hope you and your family are fine.
my happiness is out of imagination.I REALLY REALLY don't know how to express my congratulations and best wishes for you. I often check the thread although rarely write.But today I couldn't help writing to you when I found the news about the babies.

I wish you,your wife and specially twins; health,happiness and sweet moments in life.

yours,
Setayesh

[[amal]]

Hi Elham,

How are you? How do you spend your days?

Thanks dear for your care and wishes for my friend and me. Thank God I am better but since I heard that news till now, I think of her everyday and pray for her.
You are right dear, missing a husband is the saddest disaster in a woman's life, especially for my friend, you can't imagine how much she loved him. May God help her!

Dear, as you told me yesterday the weather was rainy in Iran as it was here in Syria, are you happy with the rain? Don't you think that it's too early for it?! Do you believe that this winter will be colder than the past years?

Hi Wilzin,

How are you?

Thanks for your care about me and thanks for your support.

Your story really made me sad.. lossing a father isn't an easy thing too. { الله يحفظ و يخلي أبي و أبوك}

Emm, my friend, although you are sensitive and you always tell me about your feelings and some emotional stories but I don't know why I found this post is different. I felt that your writing style was like someone I know.. So what's going on?!

Dear friends,

While I was reading Wilzin post, some questions came to my mind and I really love to hear your opinions and your answers about them, the questions are:

If someone hurt you, what would you do?! Would you forget and forgive after a while? Or would you stil remember the situation but you forgive the person and deal normaily with them?!

If you had a chance in the future to hurt that person back, would you take the opportunity? Do you think that getting revenge makes your pain less?

Looking forward to hear from you all.

Best wishes.
Amal

[WiLZiN]

Hi Amal...

How are you my dearest dear ?!


Oh my dear I didn't wrote the last post to make you sad, Please forgive me.
As an answer to your questions: If that person was a dear to me, I would forgave him/her and forgot after a while. But if not may be I couldn't forgot, It depends on the action and its consequences.
Have nice days full of happiness, peace of mind, relaxing, and love from all the depths of your heart.


Yours sincerely...

- WiLZiN -

[behnam]

Hi Setayesh,

Thank you very much for your friendly message. That's very kind of you not to forget your old pen-pals.

It was very nice to hear about your great success in studying MA at your favourite university. You deserve it. According to what your sister wrote, you've got a part-time job in a bank. This a great chance to get familiar with workplaces and earn money. I am sure you are excellent at money making. Congratulations on both; working and studying in your desired field.

How is Sara? I hope she is fine. Give my warmest regards to her and tell her I said hi.

Thank you for following the thread.

All the best,
Behnam, 24 October, 2012

[behnam]

If someone hurt you, what would you do?! Would you forget and forgive after a while? Or would you stil remember the situation but you forgive the person and deal normaily with them?!

If you had a chance in the future to hurt that person back, would you take the opportunity? Do you think that getting revenge makes your pain less?

Looking forward to hear from you all.

Best wishes.
Amal

Hi Amal,

How are you? I hope you are happy and healthy.

It is autumn and time for ladies to review their memories. Time for walking under the slight rain and breaking dry leaves. Time for enjoying the colourful scenery. I wish you happy moments.

Your questions are quite difficult. That's not easy to give them proper answers. However, thanks to the rich documents in Islam, there is a way to start dealing with such emotion-based questions.

Imam Ali has said,"The pleasure of forgiveness is greater than the pleasure of revenge!" A very short look at this meaningful sentence shows people often take revenge for getting pleasure! However, we may not know that forgiving makes our heart relaxed and comfortable, while seeking revenge makes our heart heavy and our mind busy. By the way, after taking revenge, we are always in danger of receiving revenge from others. This process may be repeated, since we are not the last person who looks for a way to punish someone. As you know, in the past, Arab people used to fight for years. Fighting was their main job. The main reason of those fights was revenging! Our prophet Mohammad stopped them from fighting, by teaching them how to forgive others. Forgiveness results in friendship, and sincere friendship results in Islamic Empire after 23 years. Oh, what a big job!

Dear Amal, many people give speech, but a few of them practise what they preach! Speaking about forging is easy in theory, but it is very difficult in practice.

For me, it depends of the kind of offense and the amount of harm someone does on me! In the serious cases, I punish the offenders severely. However, in less important matters, I forget and forgive easily. I seldom seek revenge for people who make mistakes. I am also very kind with my friends. I am patient with them. I rarely break a friendship, but if I find out that a friend or even someone from my early family or close relatives is trying to fool me, I may allow them to fool me once. However, if they think of me as an easy prey, so their misinterpretation may tempt them to fool me twice, in this case, I punish them severely! Oh my God, how ridiculous their faces become after seeing a lion in a cottage, where they had thought to be empty!

There is a nice saying 'your fool me once, shame on you. You fool me twice, shame on me'! We shouldn't let someone fool us twice. This is extremely important in human beings' relationships.

Everybody has got thresholds as well as red lines. It is very good to have high thresholds, but I don't recommend wide lines. Our red lines must be as narrow and sharp as possible. Someone may mistakenly passes our red lines. That isn't a serious threat. But, if they don't respect our borders, nothing can stop them like a severe punishment.

Your questions come from another field which is womanish. I don't know about their philosophy in life. However, let me tell you something too direct. If a person has fooled you and has hurt your feelings, either forgive him or punish him; but how? There are positive ways for punishing. You can study hard to get a degree, then can work, then marry someone and try your best to have a happy life with successful children. The greater success, the severer punishment! In the contrary, hatred and keeping your mind busy lead to misery. In this case, you are punishing yourself not the offenders.

The final point is your worry about forgetting. Human beings never forget. The events are saved in brain cells. We may refer to them rarely, but they are there forever. Human beings get used to things. They never forget them. Therefore, if you haven't forgotten something bad related to the past, don't worry. It is almost the same with all people. Try to make yourself busy with other things. It will make you refer to the cells rarely. The more hobbies, the less scan of the brain, the less pain!

I hope you will mange to change your mood from negative to positive soon. Rely on God!


All the best,
Behnam, 24 October, 2012

[[amal]]

Happy Eid to all Muslims friends wish you happy days!