my sister...!

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TearHere
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my sister...!

Postby TearHere » Thu Mar 09, 2006 9:46 am

i'm the eldest in the family and...

i'm weak.. :oops:

it's just recently that i have finally gathered enough guts to ask for advices ., if I don’t tell anybody about this, I might burst :oops: :evil: :( ........

my sister, the one next to me is sharp-tongued. and i hate it :evil: :evil: :evil: , but i can't voice it out, so i end up keeping it to myself and..crying.. I feel that as an elder daughter I deserve to be respected..right???.. she often speaks what she has in mind even if she hurts other people :cry: :cry: …. My mom has told her to moderate it but she does it to me behind our mother’s back…… I’ve tried to impose authority as an elder sister, but what happened was, it created a greater conflict…

so right now, I’m not talking to her to avoid further conflicts :( ..

but we can’t continue this way forever right?????……(though it has lessened the pain she causes me everytime :roll: ..)

your advices..It’d be of great help to me..

hope to hear from you..

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Postby Dixie » Thu Mar 09, 2006 11:22 am

Hi TearHere (by the way I always thought you were a boy).

Sometimes that happens to me with my sister, and it's hard because she's so stubborn, speaks out her mind without thinking first, and sometimes says things that she doesn't mean but that really hurt.

So my advice to you is the following: don't pay much attention to what she says. Doesn't matter if what she says to you hurts your feelings. Just learn to ignore those comments. Ignore her. When she realizes you're not listening to her, I am sure she will stop teasing you.

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Postby Tora » Thu Mar 09, 2006 2:33 pm

I have a a sis too, but in our relationship it was me who was bothering and making her feel annoyed every time! Terrible rows used to happen without any reason, we have a big gap... 11 years, she's elder, so imagine what a naughty child i was to her and how awful she felt! That's right don't pay too much attention on her. (My sister did but it didn't work...) You behave yourself like an adult should... Nothing but a naughty child right beside you! Sometimes it helps.

I'm sure in some years everyhting will change! She'll grow up and stop behaving herself in such a way! Just like me now... :wink:

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Postby shokin » Thu Mar 09, 2006 7:44 pm

Tell her directly what you have to tell her.

No pity ! No mildness !

There are regularly usefull conflicts !

You are boring !

I am busy !

You can act yourself ! Lamentations won't solve any problem !

Take self-confidence !

Shokin

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Postby MissLT » Thu Mar 09, 2006 8:26 pm

shokin wrote:You are boring !

I am busy !

You can act yourself ! Lamentations won't solve any problem !

Take self-confidence !

Shokin

This would work. :lol: :lol:

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Postby tangsen » Fri Mar 10, 2006 6:29 am

Tora wrote:I have a a sis too, but in our relationship it was me who was bothering and making her feel annoyed every time! Terrible rows used to happen without any reason, we have a big gap... 11 years, she's elder, so imagine what a naughty child i was to her and how awful she felt! That's right don't pay too much attention on her. (My sister did but it didn't work...) You behave yourself like an adult should... Nothing but a naughty child right beside you! Sometimes it helps.

I'm sure in some years everyhting will change! She'll grow up and stop behaving herself in such a way! Just like me now... :wink:

yeah, i agree with Tora. after all , you are the sister right? maybe your little sister is just too yong so she may speaks something without thinking, or, maybe she just wanna make you to pay attention to her. anyway, someday both of you may know how important the family is.
so right now, you just not so angry for what is hers doing.

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Postby Rui » Fri Mar 10, 2006 9:41 am

well, i guess you've heard enough advices to try to do something with your sister, then tell us if its working, i would like to know if our english club psychologists know how to lead with this kind of situation :lol:

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Postby TearHere » Sat Mar 11, 2006 3:57 am

Dixie wrote:Hi TearHere (by the way I always thought you were a boy).

Sometimes that happens to me with my sister, and it's hard because she's so stubborn, speaks out her mind without thinking first, and sometimes says things that she doesn't mean but that really hurt.

So my advice to you is the following: don't pay much attention to what she says. Doesn't matter if what she says to you hurts your feelings. Just learn to ignore those comments. Ignore her. When she realizes you're not listening to her, I am sure she will stop teasing you.




i'll follow that.. thanks really...i think it will work..hopefully...


hehe..what made you say im a boy?...intereseting.. :D
When all else fails..don't stop.

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TearHere
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Postby TearHere » Sat Mar 11, 2006 3:59 am

Tora wrote:I have a a sis too, but in our relationship it was me who was bothering and making her feel annoyed every time! Terrible rows used to happen without any reason, we have a big gap... 11 years, she's elder, so imagine what a naughty child i was to her and how awful she felt! That's right don't pay too much attention on her. (My sister did but it didn't work...) You behave yourself like an adult should... Nothing but a naughty child right beside you! Sometimes it helps.

I'm sure in some years everyhting will change! She'll grow up and stop behaving herself in such a way! Just like me now... :wink:


she's just a year younger than me.. maybe that's why i find it quite hard to extend my patience.. but your advices are really appreciated thanks alot..
When all else fails..don't stop.

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TearHere
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Postby TearHere » Sat Mar 11, 2006 4:01 am

shokin wrote:Tell her directly what you have to tell her.

No pity ! No mildness !

There are regularly usefull conflicts !

You are boring !

I am busy !

You can act yourself ! Lamentations won't solve any problem !

Take self-confidence !

Shokin


thanks shokin.. there actually came a time wherein, i confronted her about it..but it didn't really work..instead it lead into a greater conflict.. :? maybe she's just impossible.. :?
When all else fails..don't stop.

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TearHere
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Postby TearHere » Sat Mar 11, 2006 4:05 am

tangsen wrote:
Tora wrote:I have a a sis too, but in our relationship it was me who was bothering and making her feel annoyed every time! Terrible rows used to happen without any reason, we have a big gap... 11 years, she's elder, so imagine what a naughty child i was to her and how awful she felt! That's right don't pay too much attention on her. (My sister did but it didn't work...) You behave yourself like an adult should... Nothing but a naughty child right beside you! Sometimes it helps.

I'm sure in some years everyhting will change! She'll grow up and stop behaving herself in such a way! Just like me now... :wink:

yeah, i agree with Tora. after all , you are the sister right? maybe your little sister is just too yong so she may speaks something without thinking, or, maybe she just wanna make you to pay attention to her. anyway, someday both of you may know how important the family is.
so right now, you just not so angry for what is hers doing.


actually...we were kinda close.. i guess what created the gap was the disrespect that i felt..

right, i'm angry at what she's doing to me.. but gradually, i begin to broaden my mind about her and what she's doing to me......
When all else fails..don't stop.

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Postby TearHere » Sat Mar 11, 2006 4:08 am

Rui wrote:well, i guess you've heard enough advices to try to do something with your sister, then tell us if its working, i would like to know if our english club psychologists know how to lead with this kind of situation :lol:


actually yes rui, i think we've got a bunch of great psychologists in here :wink:

thanks everybody, i'll see if your advices works.... :D
When all else fails..don't stop.

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Re: my sister...!

Postby Ms.A.Z » Sun Mar 12, 2006 5:36 pm

TearHere wrote:my sister, the one next to me is sharp-tongued...



I WISH IF I HAVE SEEN YOUR POST BEFORE!

Dear Tear here, I'm facing the same problem as yours except that my elder sister is the one who has sharp-tongue. She alway used to and still is calling me names which i dont want to be called with. She never liked my friends and when ever i introduced them to her she never cared and if she saw them she just by pass without saying hi.When ever some thing good happens in my life she says its just a good luck not some thing i earned or deserved.One of the biggest reason why i'm not confidence of my self is because of her,because of the way she treats me :( . I tried to be like her. Some times i do call her by names i feel happy for few mints then i feel gulity because its just too wrong to do that or to disrespect any one or hurt them like that.So I choosed to be "ME" then being "HER". My sis is not a bad person but she has a bad tongue. She says alot of bullshit but she dose not mean it but then too she dont care if she hurt some one by it.She is bit proudy ,over-confidence but a good person and has good heart. :wink:....



Some times i get sooooooo angry because of the way she treats me and I wish just for once if she can be in my place so that she knows how it feels when you treat some one like that as if they were "NOTHING" "NO ONE" "NOBODY" "ZERO".

I don't know why any one will behave like that but I know one thing for sure I won't ever allow my self to reach that low point ever in my life and I will show my sis and all that "I'M SOMEBODY". :wink:


Remember: "Fear from failure leads to failure"...unknown

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Re: my sister...!

Postby TearHere » Tue Mar 14, 2006 9:01 am

Ms.A.Z wrote:
TearHere wrote:my sister, the one next to me is sharp-tongued...



I WISH IF I HAVE SEEN YOUR POST BEFORE!

Dear Tear here, I'm facing the same problem as yours except that my elder sister is the one who has sharp-tongue. She alway used to and still is calling me names which i dont want to be called with. She never liked my friends and when ever i introduced them to her she never cared and if she saw them she just by pass without saying hi.When ever some thing good happens in my life she says its just a good luck not some thing i earned or deserved.One of the biggest reason why i'm not confidence of my self is because of her,because of the way she treats me :( . I tried to be like her. Some times i do call her by names i feel happy for few mints then i feel gulity because its just too wrong to do that or to disrespect any one or hurt them like that.So I choosed to be "ME" then being "HER". My sis is not a bad person but she has a bad tongue. She says alot of bullshit but she dose not mean it but then too she dont care if she hurt some one by it.She is bit proudy ,over-confidence but a good person and has good heart. :wink:....



Some times i get sooooooo angry because of the way she treats me and I wish just for once if she can be in my place so that she knows how it feels when you treat some one like that as if they were "NOTHING" "NO ONE" "NOBODY" "ZERO".

I don't know why any one will behave like that but I know one thing for sure I won't ever allow my self to reach that low point ever in my life and I will show my sis and all that "I'M SOMEBODY". :wink:


Remember: "Fear from failure leads to failure"...unknown


that bold part, yeah, i wish she(my sis) would at least once think of herself in my shoes..then she would know how rude she is...

the second bold part.. yep.. that's why as much as possible i will just extend my patience.. :( if that's the only effective way, or just ignore her....

thanks Ms.Az for sharing.. :wink:
When all else fails..don't stop.

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Postby Oriani » Tue Apr 11, 2006 7:28 pm

Hi dear.. how are u? How's your relationship with ur sister going? Is everything ok now? I hope it is.. kisses

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Postby tikay » Tue Apr 11, 2006 8:12 pm

You know how sometimes we think we could tape or video-tape the people who are berating us chiding or making us feel or seem awful or ridiculous. well i am thinking maybe you could tape-record your sister when she is being rude and nasty to you....you could do it several times while you try to deal with her in a rational adult type manner, and if these rational talks (or your part) do not see some affect/effect...you could maybe then show these tapes to your parents and your sis at the same family meeting you call....to fix your relationship with your sibling.

it is sort of radical but I bet you will get the results you are seeking and even if she is angry of being found out at least she is able to discover what a brat she is being and may decide to change...if not then you can at least say that you tried a creative experiment to help your sister see her harsh behavior. you are the big sis so you should help her before she does this to the wrong people and risks herself being hurt.

i have never needed to do this but I would if I could. My family acts out their anger by ignoring you and never speaking about subjects that may be dissagreed upon. I hate that...it solves nothing. And even though it is a form or abuse I cant tape record the quiet...how much they ignore me.

for instance, one of my brothers, Josh, did not like that I had Sarah. Sarah is my daughter, he was angry thinking I should not have anymore children...he stopped talking to me. I have not talked to him in nearly four long years, he is so stubborn.
Now Sarah (and I) can't know her little cousin, Jessica his new baby girl...or her uncle Josh either, who I had a hand in raising.
This is so sad. I cant make him be respectful, and i am Buddhist so... I merely wait for him to come to his senses.
I keep much love for him in my heart and mind. He has been like a son to me at times. I was 11 when he was born.

I suggest you keep a sweet memory of happier times with your sis in mind and hope for the fun times to return as I do with my brother. Also be grateful the situation has not gone this far...you can try to solve it as long as you communicate at all.

I am sure you have the best answers within you too!!!
Search yourself too, you have ideas on it I am sure...and thanks for sharing your problem.


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