I am unconfident enough to get in a love relationship.

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I am unconfident enough to get in a love relationship.

Post by hanami » Sun Sep 24, 2006 1:45 am

I asked for advice on my love story once and now I have to do that for the second time just because i feel unconfident about myself. I don't contact the previous guy, he was not my boyfriend yet. I made friend with this guy on the internet and my suspiciousness broke all what we had together. Of course not long after that, I realised I didn't like him that much, well I like but I didn't fall in love. He was more childish than I expected and we just knew in an unreal environment. Not until lately have I really liked a guy. He is one of my close friends and is a lawyer. I knew him when I got in trouble with my certificate and I asked him for some advice due to my friend's introdution. He was so nice and helpful but at the first meeting, I had no impression for him. Afterwards, we just contact by mobile, nothing special happened but one thing that he sometimes called me for a walk but was not accepted. Some weeks ago, he sent me a message inviting me out for a talk and I agreed. We had a nice evening together. I sat on his motorbike going around the streets and then had coffee together until late. Now I feel like him so much, I am not sure if it is something more than a friendship but I miss him. My friend told me he was a very kind and warm-hearted person, I guess so too. The problem is that I don't understand what his feelings are for me, he doesn't call me much but he cared a lot for me when I was in hospital. And I sometimes think he will not like me just because I can't be satisfied about myself, I am not good at cooking and talking, I am so small ( of course he is a little too ) , and when I hoped he would call, he didn't. What if I want him to talk to me everyday but he doesn't? Can anyone help me with this?
happiness is something you can't foretell


Post by Admiral » Sun Sep 24, 2006 7:46 am

Don't fix to him as if he is your God. You know everybody is different but in a way they are the same. Erich Fromm said it in his book:
Fromm wrote:We are all the same - and though everyone of us is a unique and unrepeatable creature. In our concern to others this paradox repeats. in so far as we are all one, we can love everyone in the same way in terms of brotherly love. But in so far as we all are also different, the erotic love also implies certain specific, very individual aspects, which can only exist between certain people and this can't be found in everyone.
So both are right.
1. Love is a very individual relationship.
2. Love is nothing else than a technique you can do on everyone.
Or better: Neither the one extremum is right, nor the other extremum. The reality lies between them both. So the idea, that one is not allowed to break a relationship, is as illusory as the idea that one should never break a relationship.

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