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Could you please inform me of the quality of my writing?

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Maxlearner
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Could you please inform me of the quality of my writing?

Post by Maxlearner » Sat Dec 29, 2018 10:13 am

Hello dear friends and teachers,

I would be really grateful if you could analyze my essay about the following topic:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? If we can’t say anything nice about
someone, then we should not say anything about this person.

The extent to which we are allowed to express our opinions about a person is a matter of great discussion. Challengers and advocates have always been struggling over the dilemma of whether or not we should not talk about a person, as long as we cannot notice any thing nice about them. As far as I am concerned, as human beings, all of us have some weak points and strong features; therefore, we should try help each other improve our personality rather than being mute and unsocialized.
To begin with, in contrast to the above-mentioned notion, opponents allege that if we do not like a person or we cannot find any positive thing about them, it would be better for us to cover the truth or tell a white lie about the person; otherwise, we are susceptible to hurting their feelings and making them feel completely introverted and unhappy. Furthermore, such concept as beauty or nice temperaments are downright abstract, meaning that we cannot define them in detail. When someone consider something nice, another one might deem it unpleasant.
Although these allegations might sound somewhat logical, a more detailed scrutiny of facts would reveal that we can talk about the person or inform them of their bad features in an indirect way insofar as we can prevent damaging their personality or hurting their feelings. Is it better for a person to be informed of his or her unpleasant traits and make an endeavor to become nicer or live their whole life while unrealistically beliving that he or she is nice? I strongly believe that human beings can efficiently reflect each other's features. A good friend is like a mirror which reflects anything as it is. In addition, we cannot judge anybody; perhaps a person has serious problems leading them no to be nice. However, by talking about them or directly to them we would be more able to find possible solutions for their problems.
Furthermore, in some special cases, such as the presiential election or marriage, we are supposed to distrubute the truth. In these cases, any secrecy can result in disasters. If we know someone who wants to marry another is not at all nice, we should inform the person. How do we expect that we can have a good society, while no body is ready to talk about people having an ugly personality? In many developing and poor countries, due to the fear of torture or jail, no one say anthing about their stupid governors. Conversely, in well-developed countries, ususally people feel free to relate their own personal ideas about any famous figure who is anything but nice.
To wrap up, it can be concluded that when we see a person with no nice feature, especially if he or she is important to us, we should talk to them about this problem and try to present some solutions.

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behnam
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Re: Could you please inform me of the quality of my writing?

Post by behnam » Sat Dec 29, 2018 4:28 pm

Maxlearner wrote:
Sat Dec 29, 2018 10:13 am
Hello dear friends and teachers,

I would be really grateful if you could analyze my essay about the following topic:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? If we can’t say anything nice about
someone, then we should not say anything about this person.

The extent to which we are allowed to express our opinions about a person is a matter of great discussion. Challengers and advocates have always been struggling over the dilemma of whether or not we should not talk about a person, as long as we cannot notice any thing nice about them. As far as I am concerned, as human beings, all of us have some weak points and strong features; therefore, we should try help each other improve our personality rather than being mute and unsocialized.
To begin with, in contrast to the above-mentioned notion, opponents allege that if we do not like a person or we cannot find any positive thing about them, it would be better for us to cover the truth or tell a white lie about the person; otherwise, we are susceptible to hurting their feelings and making them feel completely introverted and unhappy. Furthermore, such concept as beauty or nice temperaments are downright abstract, meaning that we cannot define them in detail. When someone consider something nice, another one might deem it unpleasant.
Although these allegations might sound somewhat logical, a more detailed scrutiny of facts would reveal that we can talk about the person or inform them of their bad features in an indirect way insofar as we can prevent damaging their personality or hurting their feelings. Is it better for a person to be informed of his or her unpleasant traits and make an endeavor to become nicer or live their whole life while unrealistically beliving that he or she is nice? I strongly believe that human beings can efficiently reflect each other's features. A good friend is like a mirror which reflects anything as it is. In addition, we cannot judge anybody; perhaps a person has serious problems leading them no to be nice. However, by talking about them or directly to them we would be more able to find possible solutions for their problems.
Furthermore, in some special cases, such as the presiential election or marriage, we are supposed to distrubute the truth. In these cases, any secrecy can result in disasters. If we know someone who wants to marry another is not at all nice, we should inform the person. How do we expect that we can have a good society, while no body is ready to talk about people having an ugly personality? In many developing and poor countries, due to the fear of torture or jail, no one say anthing about their stupid governors. Conversely, in well-developed countries, ususally people feel free to relate their own personal ideas about any famous figure who is anything but nice.
To wrap up, it can be concluded that when we see a person with no nice feature, especially if he or she is important to us, we should talk to them about this problem and try to present some solutions.
Hi,

First of all, I should say that your essay is good. However, I would like to give you my comments. I am not correcting your essay. I am just giving my views.

As far as I know, one should either agree or disagree with the statement, and give their opinion in the introductory paragraph. This is one of the five-paragraph essay writing rules. After that, one should give three reasons for supporting their opinion. Three reasons should come in one sentence with the same structure(parallelism). Then, in three body paragraphs, the given reasons should be supported by giving examples, statistical evidence, personal experience, etc.

Finally, repeating the same reasons in a different sentence in summary paragraph.

I am adding the following points:
1)After "any" use nouns in plural forms!
2) Avoid using phrasal verbs in your essays!
3)Avoid using "ing" with believe!
4) Avoid using "as far as I know,...as far as I am concerned,.." or similar wordy phrases in your essays.
5) Use better structures! For example "strengths and weaknesses" is much better than "weak points or strong features'!
6) Use "to" after "try"!
7) Do not use "ing" after "susceptible to"! by the way, "susceptible to damage" sounds better than "susceptible to hurt"!
8) "Presidential election" not " presiential election"!
9) "Distrubute", "ususally", and "anthing" should be corrected.
10) " If we know someone who wants to marry another is not at all nice, we should inform the person." What do you mean? This sentence is wrong.
....
However, you are a good writer, your sentences are coherent, and your essay has good cohesion.

Happy New Year!
Join me in my threat entitled "Let's learn together!" on this page.

All the best,
Behnam, 29 December, 2018

ارادتمند شما
*Behi *

justinhorn
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Re: Could you please inform me of the quality of my writing?

Post by justinhorn » Thu Jan 10, 2019 10:52 am

Hello,

I also think that your essay is very good. I was enjoying it while reading. And I think that your essay is very interesting. However, as Behnam mentioned above, you have some grammatical mistakes that you should avoid while writing. I can suggest taking some grammatical courses or reading some book with numerous examples of how to use different tenses, and grammar rules. Moreover, there are a huge amount of grammar checkers like robotdon.com on the Internet that can find and correct your mistakes very fast. So yeah, great essay, but try to avoid these mistakes.

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MiaMichaels
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Re: Could you please inform me of the quality of my writing?

Post by MiaMichaels » Fri Jan 11, 2019 11:39 am

The essay is good but there is no structure in it. You don't have paragraphs, where you have each separate statement.
Look at the structure of this essay https://artscolumbia.org/essays/synthesis-essay-65661/. You see what I mean? You need to improve just a bit.

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sassybear
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Re: Could you please inform me of the quality of my writing?

Post by sassybear » Tue Jan 29, 2019 12:50 pm

first of all, wowwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
long essay. i didnt read the whole essay but i did read the first paragraph. im no experts on english. however i can tell the first paragraph is great. literally the best essay ever! you should have join some writing competition!

~sassybear

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