This is only my translation (not exactly what Dale wrote) and just some parts, to help you read a bit something worthy. Hope this is not a violation of copyright.
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
We should understand that criticism we utter is like a pigeon, it always return to the same place. The ones condemned by us will surely find all reasons to defend and get back to condemn us.
Understanding that, Abraham Lincoln was most famous in human history for his talent in handling people. When he was young, he excitingly criticized anyone, he even wrote satiric poems aiming at people and spreaded them out in the streets so all could read and laugh. Once that habit nearly pushed him in a sword duel. Since then he never sneered or teased anyone, instead he became clement and lenient. His precept was: “Never criticize people unless you like to be criticized back”.
In the Civil War, once the losing Southern troops withdrawing till a river were not able to get through because of the high water level in a stormy night. He sent a telegraph, and to make sure, he also sent a messenger to give a command to General Meade who was in charge of the battle, to immediately attack the Southern troops leaded by General Lee. But Meade hesitated and the Southerns escaped successfully in the chance the water level got lower. They lost the unique chance to end the War...
Lincoln was really angry, shouting: “What’s on Earth was that mean?”
And he complained to his son: ”The enemy was able to escape right when they were in our hands! In that case anyone could have defeated General Lee. If I had been there, I must have been able to win the battle!”. Then he fretfully wrote down the following letter:
I couldn’t believe that you understand how disastrous it was to let General Lee escape! His troops were in our hands, and if we had attacked right away so the War could have ended by one battle. Now no-one know when it has elongated to. Last Monday you were not able to defeat him, today he is across the river and your force is only two thirds of that day, how can you win over him?
... Your once in a blue moon chance has gone and nobody understand my sorrow! ...
That lightly blaming letter, he wrote but did not send. After he died people found it in his papers.
Perhaps he had thought: “Wait ... don’t be impulsive. It was easy for me to stay safely in this White House to command. But if I had been there in the battlefield like Meade for some weeks, I had seen people bleeding, had heard the groan of the soldiers, perhaps I wouldn’t be eager to attack the enemy. Anyhow it’s all been done and words can do nothing now. If I send this letter my anger would get down a bit, but Meade would be less self-confident and what if he resigns.”
When I was young I was very assuming. Once I received a letter that included some more lines: “This letter was read for another one to write down, I do not check.” I liked those writing a lot because it gives us the manner of someone busy and important. One day later, in order to be clever-clever before a novelist, I wrote him and added those lines. The novelist send the letter back to me writing :”Only your stupidness goes well with your rudeness”.
To tell the truth I was impolite and the condemnation was deserved. But I’m just a man, so I felt so much insulted and I hated that novelist so much that when he died 10 years later, I only remembered the way he had put me down instead of feeling regret for a talented man.
So readers, if you want to be hated till death, use the most cruel criticism. If not please remember that humankind is not always sensible. We think and act according to their sentiment, prejudice, arrogance and snobbery. Condemnation is like a lighter whereas the self-esteem is like an ~, whose encounter will explode and result in enormous disaster.
Any crazy man can blame, criticize and condemn others; but only ones who have noble mind and are highly self-controlled know to understand and forgive. So instead of criticizing someone, we should try to understand them and try to find reasons for their actions. That’s the root of clemency.
Even God wait to judge people after their Death. How can we be more strict than Him?
<End of number 1 – part 1>
I’m interested in this translation but time forbids. See you later.