The disease impossible to heal

[greatJim]

The patients now i faced everyday also had different obstales in their lives.

Although i knew they were hurt by something unfortunate.But I just tried to make them believe that life was a course,not an aim.

Some medicine could keep them from the painess on the body.But some medicine only could found in one's heart,such as responsibilty.

And just because of the deadth of Heyang,I thought I should live in a strong mental status.

I spent several years and at last went out of the painful mood.

[greatJim]

Lily didn't know these things,and I never tried to tell her that.

I was like a boat floating to somewhere unknown.

And for Heyang ,I thought I should give her a place in my heart.That was the best way for me to remember her..

One day,Lily told me a good information,that she said we could own our house,a drewlling now.

I asked how.She said if we paid a part of the money of apartment.the hospital could give us some discount.and preempt it.

If we chose waiting,we must stay in her grandmother's room for another more than 2 years.

[greatJim]

I said that was ok.Since I saved some money in these years.
Anyway sooner or later the houses would be on market in the future.

CHina also would enter WTO someday.The economy system will change ,from allotment to dominated by free market .

----
We paid about 40,000yuan and could live in a better place,I knew we didn't own it.But anyway,it was better than now.

especially for Lily she felt she had a sense of be MARRIED.

[greatJim]

i didn't have to dodge somewhere like a roamer in shanghai.

Lily and I decorated the house,and made it looked lovely and warm.we were so satisfied and really in a happy mood for a period of time.

I ended my grey life on the emotional experiance and looked forward to the future.

Lily was also going out from the shadow of the failure on studying abroad .

I felt aimless suddernly when I was on the worktime sometimes.

[greatJim]

I was thinking this problem ,when a patient came in.

yes,I had house now,a wife,a job not bad.SO what was the next?

The patient was a young lady.She said she felt too tired recently and just had no interest on everything.

and her spirit was near the age of debacle everyday.

She was really young and not married, almost as old as me,and she was also an intelligentsia.graduated from a university .

I asked her why.She didn't tell me at first.

just said the busy job made her terribly tired.

I asked her if the job was not suitable for her interest or if it was something like low salary.

She said no.I asked her about her personal life status.

She suddernly sighed.and slowly she said her boyfriend had heart disease.

I was astonished and waited her next words.

"my parents just don't agree with our marriage."

"I owned many things now,and had shared some with my parents.They now lived better than before.I think I am satisfied on many things."She just seemed very painful.

"Do you love him?"I asked .

the lady suddernly sobbed before me.

[cherryhang]

what happen later?

[greatJim]

Sometimes life was a kind of accident.I met with Heyang by chance,too.

The patient's boy friend made me recall Heyang again.She was also tortured by heart disease,and at last killed by it.

at that time,I was a student of China Medical university.I met heyang in the insurgent deed in 1989.

She was the student of history department in Beijing university.

[greatJim]

what happen later?

recently I begin to work again.I changed my living place.just nowhere to write ..

[greatJim]

And I knew Lily maybe had her own secrets.BY the time going ,I didn't know how to change myself,and Lily seemed paying more attention on the social life and material needs.

I had no more skills except my job.

But Lily seemed wanted others.

Everyday i was addicted in the memory of Heyang and our past.

Lily seemed also not take care of my reticence.

---
I was a volunteer medical help student when the fast happened on the Tiananmen square.