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She...........
Posted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 3:53 pm
by sweets
she could not sleep that night
waiting for sun to shine
she did not eat ...she did not drink
I do not even know how she dress up !!!!!
she went there ...to there first place
sit and did not care who world was moving
she passed time thinking about him ..how he would look after last time ..did he shavethis time ????????????????
Set and wait but no onecame
looking to watch every mintue noooo every second set and wait that's alllllllll
I looked to her and felt sorry towards her
world was moving but she set and wait
maybe she had that little shiny hope
or maybe she had nothing to do
now she is thinking if he is here and looking for her!!!
will she forgive being late ???
now she is walking here and there searching between faces
I do not know what is going on her mind but Iknow one thing
how is to hi
how hard to say bye
Re: She...........
Posted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 5:53 pm
by Vega
Keep writing!
Re: She...........
Posted: Mon Oct 25, 2010 3:19 pm
by sweets
i guess u better to say WelocmeBack with ur writes
Re: She...........
Posted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 4:10 pm
by Vega
Welcome back!
Re: She...........
Posted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 4:46 pm
by sweets
Thank u
Re: She...........
Posted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 5:55 pm
by shakespear
hello
i think its sth new and i interested in reading it really its fantastic and i won't praise the poem or the poetess who wrote the poem koz we all know the poetess and her ability to write great poems and we know that she has imagination full of images and fantasies. here i wanna suggest changing some words and making some changes to make the poem seem perfect:
line 4: dressed instead of dress
line 6: how instead of who
line 7 :seem instead of look to remove ambiguity....look after= treat
line 9 :sit instead of set i think its stronger than set
line 10: omit looking to and start with : watching every .......second but she still wait......
line 12 : ......but she still sit and wait.....
line17- among instead of between
19- how is lovely to say how
20- how is........
now i complete my comment and suggestion and hope u admire my changes but initially and finally all the matter is up to u
thnx 4 ur patience
c u and good luck
Re: She...........
Posted: Wed Oct 27, 2010 4:38 pm
by sweets
gooooooooooooooooooooood evening
frist thank you for this welcome
and thank u for ur suggestions
waiting ur new????????????
Re: She...........
Posted: Thu Oct 28, 2010 6:56 pm
by shakespear
hello
u r welcome and i think u r fantastic in this poem
i wanna u go on and write more and more....
have nice moments
c u
Re: She...........
Posted: Mon Nov 01, 2010 5:06 pm
by sweets
well i hope that i could post anther one soooooooon
so how about u any new ?
Re: She...........
Posted: Thu Nov 04, 2010 7:54 am
by shakespear
hello
i don't know but i think i have one poem and i'll finish it soon
thnx and have nice moments
Re: She...........
Posted: Thu Nov 04, 2010 7:23 pm
by sweets
nice moments to u toooooo
Re: She...........
Posted: Sat Nov 13, 2010 7:32 pm
by venuchetan
sweets
It is really fantastic, amazing
but at my point of you, it is just not a poem.
hi girl, this (she) is yourself, your feelings
it is not come from your imagine. It is really you
Something happend in your life and you may lost the real lover. I hope so
Pls my dear girl few friends in this forum replied as it is a poem
but I won't accept it is just like a poem. It is you
whatever it is I consider you as my daughter Pls compromise yourself
on the way i came to that site, this poem impressed me
bye to everybody
venuchetan
Re: She...........
Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2010 3:26 pm
by sweets
venuchetan
Many thanx to ur comment
coz u like my odd much and you are right about the odde snice it talks about me and my feelings towards situation in that time. but time can cure cure such feelings and let memorries about that
anyway thanx agiane and i hope to like my next oddes too
sweets
Re: She...........
Posted: Tue Jan 04, 2011 9:16 am
by manar
hello
i really interested each word,
nice feeling despite being difficult.
Re: She...........
Posted: Fri Jan 14, 2011 5:43 pm
by sweets
thanx manar for ur commemt