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An essay about the changing in learning in the past and now. Could someone read and check my essay for me?

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camnguyen
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Joined: Tue Mar 08, 2016 11:35 pm
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An essay about the changing in learning in the past and now. Could someone read and check my essay for me?

Post by camnguyen » Tue Mar 08, 2016 11:47 pm

Hi everyone. I am a English learner come from Viet Nam. I enjoy English and really want to be good at English. Now I'm seft-study writing essay, but the biggest problem is I don't know whether my essay is correct or not. So I hope that someone can read, check, and give me useful advices for my essay. Thank you very much {-:

Here is my essay, the topic is about the changing in learning is the past and now.
From past to now, learning is always one of the necessary demand with any individual. Learing help us to approach with new knowledge, new technologies thus it has deep effect on our live and work soon. But the world nowadays are changing every hour and choosing the necessary skills to learn is extremely important. Let’s look all over how learing has been changed overtime to be adapted with that changes.
The first important change is today we have to learn more. That’s undoubted truth. If in the past, learing simply was the ability to read, write and do some simple operator, and now learning is actually much more wider. Nowadays, beside all this skill, there are many thing which is the same important. That is using the computer, specialized software, foreign languages. In general, learning is not so simple like in the past, now it includes many much more difficult and complex things.
But learing now does not contain only difficulties, learing nowadays also contain many advantages we didn't have in the past. With the exploited development of science and technology, learing benefits very much from it. A lot of new inventions have been widely used in teaching and learning, such as projector, some presentation software and especially the Internet. Internet has created a revolution in learning. It helps self-study become easier the ever before. With the Internet you can find everything necessary for your learn: abundant document resources, online forums that can help you to answer any question you ask, and more wonderful, the Internet can help you to sit in your house but you can even study university that ia away one-half world circle from you.

knowable
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Re: An essay about the changing in learning in the past and now. Could someone read and check my essay for me?

Post by knowable » Mon Mar 14, 2016 7:28 pm

Hi Camnguyen,

There is more to essay writing than the suggestions below. Whenever you have an essay to write, it is advisable to do some research on the topic so as to collect information from experts in the field. You can get information from textbooks, online journal articles, etc. Some textbooks even have a section on essay writing and referencing. Referencing is giving credit to source/s of your information.

1. Always give you essay a title.
Then, as you write, make sure you are answering the question.

From what you have written I would say your aim is to look at how technology and internet have shaped (or is shaping) the way we learn today. So this could be a good title:
How technology and internet have shaped (or is shaping) the way we learn today.

2. Start with an introduction.
E.g.,
Learning is part of life and has always being. For it is in learning that we become informed and more knowledgeable. A person who is knowledgeable has a great advantage in job industries. Today with advancement of technology and internet, learning has never been made easier, fun, and easily accessible.

3. Give your main points or ideas in the main body.
E.g.,
Whereas in the past most learning took place in a school or college environment, nowadays one can access learning materials online from home. But this has not made the traditional means of learning redundant. Rather it compliments it. For instance, students are able to access learning tools and support outside classroom. And anyone who fails to make into learning institutes has the opportunity to enroll in online programs or embark on a self-teaching course. With a wide range of online teaching materials, services, and platforms e.g., journals articles, educational websites, and video sharing websites, accessing them is just a click away. And so are the many supportive networks like forums, and community groups on social media.

But just as technology and internet had made the way we learn easier, it has also created competiveness in the job market. There is demand for people to be more informed, highly skilled than ever before which can lead to stressful lives. Also, with so much information out there at a click it is hard to tell without searching through what is authentic and informative. The exposure to so much information causes what is known as information overload. In addition to this is the distraction caused by social media like Facebook and twitter. Online distraction has been found to interfere with learning.

4. End with a summary/conclusion.
E.g.,
While technology and internet has reshaped the way we learn today, there is a need to minimize risks of information overload and online distractions. One way to do this is to have a clear purpose of what information one is looking for before starting the search. Another is to have clear learning goals, set time aside for those goals and follow through.

For more ideas about essays see the article ‘essay structure’ on my blog:
http://findingsynonyms.blogspot.com/201 ... cture.html

I wish you the best on your essay writing exercises.
https://facebook.com/findingsynonyms

#MasterEnglish

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DrNorman
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Re: An essay about the changing in learning in the past and now. Could someone read and check my essay for me?

Post by DrNorman » Tue May 17, 2016 2:36 am

Dear Camnguyen,

I congratulate you on trying to study English yourself. Your essay shows many good ideas, but can be difficult to follow at times because of your grammar. Here are some things to work on that may be helpful:

1. Simple and complex sentence structures
2. Use of the plural form
3. Use of articles.

There are several ways to improve grammar when self-studying. Go to my blog at https://www.advancedenglishlearning.com ... rning-Blog and find the article on how to improve your grammar. This should give you lots of practical ideas.

If you would like some guidance in your self-study, you might find my online advanced English course useful. The course is specifically designed for people like you who are motivated to self-study. It will directly address your grammatical issues as well as improve other aspects of your English. You can do the first two lessons for free and see if the course suits you. Go to https://www.advancedenglishlearning.com/Free-Lessons

I hope you find this useful
Best wishes
Dr Norman
Improve your English online
Advanced English Learning
https://www.advancedenglishlearning.com

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waltaff
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Joined: Thu May 19, 2016 10:15 am
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Re: An essay about the changing in learning in the past and now. Could someone read and check my essay for me?

Post by waltaff » Thu May 19, 2016 11:05 am

To me an essay is a piece of writing where a writer states his or her point of view towards the discussed issue. And I didn't see it in your essay. It looks like you are just describing how learning process has evolved but you don't give your opinion on today's learning process. Surely, you should work on grammar and always remember to proofread your writing. Besides, to me the most important part of any essay is a thesis statement since your paper is going to be based on it. I think you should work on that aspect of essay writing as well.
Anyways, this is how I'd start your essay :

Throughout time, people have always had the desire to know more and more about about how things work, about everything around them, about life itself. And this insatiable curiosity has moved the world towards the discovery of new things like the wheel, or electricity, or computers. However, the question is how these discoveries affect the way we perceive our world as well as the way we learn more about our world. And my answer would be 'though the world isn't the same as it was a century, or even a decade, ago, we humans, despite what many say, benefit greatly from all the innovations, especially in the learning sector.


Then I'd add a two or three (or more) points to back up my thesis. Actually, you can think of two pro and one against points. And finally, I'd write a conclusion where I'd summarize everything as well as restate my thesis statement. Actually, I guess in order to write nice essays, you can read essays written by other authors, evaluate them, and probably you will find something that can help you with writing your own essays. I believe reading this essay on democracy here at http://www.economist.com/news/essays/21 ... -can-be-do, the one named "White Negro" at https://www.dissentmagazine.org/article ... he-hipster, the one on slavery at http://jetwriters.com/slavery-essay/, and this one from 70s http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/1972/ ... in-gardens would give you some ideas on how create interesting pieces of writing.
Good luck with learning English.
One of the glories of English simplicity is the possibility of using the same word as noun and verb.
Edward Sapir

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