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The Poem : The star

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YeYuJun
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Joined: Mon Sep 18, 2017 8:17 am
Status: English Learner

The Poem : The star

Postby YeYuJun » Thu Sep 28, 2017 8:32 am

The star

When the star falls down
Please grow it by tears
Then it will let you be more stronger

When the star is not shining anymore
Please kiss the star
Then it will shining for you again

When the star passes by the sky
Please pray a hope for you
Then the star will achieve your hope

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shakespear
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Re: The Poem : The star

Postby shakespear » Wed Oct 11, 2017 3:06 pm

there's a mistake in the 6th line " will shining" ....you've to say: will be shining OR will shine.
in these lines you use many tenses, i.e: you use: present simple, present continuous and future any way...i hope you use grammar correctly.
i think you have good idea in this poem.
congratulations.
our life is like a night mare

YeYuJun
Member
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon Sep 18, 2017 8:17 am
Status: English Learner

Re: The Poem : The star

Postby YeYuJun » Thu Oct 12, 2017 5:13 am

Thanks to let me know these mistakes, I'll correct them on the next time. {-:

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shakespear
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Posts: 985
Joined: Tue Jan 09, 2007 12:02 pm
Status: English Teacher
Location: IRAQ
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Re: The Poem : The star

Postby shakespear » Thu Oct 12, 2017 7:38 am

never mind...u r welcome
our life is like a night mare


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