To whom it may concern: BIG GIRLS DON’T CRY

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To whom it may concern: BIG GIRLS DON’T CRY

Post by janedoe » Tue Jul 17, 2018 1:14 pm

"Layers upon layers of peeling paint hiding little tragedies, scorch marks on the wall from the fire waterlines. A tomb of memories"
My emotions have been taking away all my breath and my brain has been rushing with realizations and solutions. And after all the adrift feelings, to finally believe in a world that is full of ruins, or a future that dwells on no promises, and having been born in a generation where the youths are acting like they have no mothers, resenting love and relating it to weakness, there is one thing that I can’t afford to ignore or keep to myself; No matter what we are going through in life or the phase we have found ourselves, at the end of it all we are all works in progress. I have never been afraid of challenges or failure for it is only when I am knocked down, that I will identify my full potential.
"The face fades, beauty too, but for the heart to glow, it calls for self-care"
Let my heart do the talking…Who is going to define what is right or wrong? Any teacher in the room would be my witness that there is never a right or wrong answer, the way you present yourself is what makes it believable or doubtful. For the few out there busy judging people and forcing them to adjust their images from your own lenses, it is high time you retired. I refuse to live under the shadows of a person not even fit to lick my shoe. I believe I am strong and refulgent, but I will not deny that I got issues and unless anyone is willing to act as a DJ and play me a song so I can dance to my moroseness, then at this moment it is of no importance. It is not easy being me and neither is it being you, we all struggle with something and that makes it is unwise to envy other peoples success, you can’t handle their struggles!
My well was dry and that made me sad, but I recommence to fill the emptiness of my heart through the art of writing the words that are whispered in the hopes to connect with you. The things in life that are always worth doing will never be easy and a certain level of desire is required to make a commitment an everyday practice. They say patience is a virtue, I say for as long as a beggar will never wish for a horse and then ride on it as they desire, then I will continue acting with a step after another, and a day at a time. Finally, the house of cards will be rebuilt. I have a responsibility to stand up for myself and at the same time be open to any necessary amendments.
My creativity is natured by the light in my heart and thanks to each butterfly that has kissed the sun and rested on my shoulder to glow. From here henceforth it is going to be the grace of God and myself. I have made promises to myself but I would rather call them goals, others are dreamers waiting for the future but I am in for it now. Failure, hardships, and challenges. I am glad I have never expected anything on this journey called life. I have never even dreamt of a bunch of roses on my desk after successfully completing a task. But I have seen myself wearing the biggest smile of satisfaction a number of times.
Someone might ask what successful work I am talking about, but no one can convince me that there is nothing I have ever succeeded in. Lots of failures, I know but success is not linked to exams only, there is so much in life than school, like life by itself is a task, a test. Then this anonymous person would ask again, and why is your bank statement full of blanks? Well, that is rather funny than serious, you look around and point just one account experiencing a high peak. Let me guess, just the parliament eaters, right? It is funny how we pray for money from God, while all we need is his blessings.
Others might see me as a failure but it would only be worse if I put myself in their shoes and start having the same visions. Trust me, I tried doing it right and differently, I even prayed all day and meditated on the word of God, Job was pretty motivating, still is. But before I knew it, I was back to the usual, one our father, forgive us our sins because we got plenty of those and give us the strength to stay away from all temptations. Like I said it is never easy and you don’t have to slam that in my face each time you are beginning a sentence. I have a clear view of my future shadow, making me rosy and trying to tell me how many stars I will reach.
My dedication is my motivation. I thought maybe with time we would have changed both our perspectives, but those were just wishes. I will never forget your words, those that were filled with love and joy and those filled with anger and disappointments. Either way, you do not get to take your words back unless you want to choke on them. In that case, your wish my pleasure. The precious moments of childhood are lost in the dark times. I am a big girl now and I don’t cry. There are bridges to be mended and I will stick through remaining true to myself and the man one above, the one that breathes life into my nostrils.
I am not saying I am right and am also not saying you are wrong. In this ride called life, I choose to take the good with the bad, smile even when am sad, love what I have and remember what I had, forgive but not forget, learn from my mistakes but never regret. Life changes, people grow and things go wrong, but the ride still goes on. All I am saying is…It is hard for me to ignore a part of who I am and still be happy. I do not need forgiveness from my enemies, I am standing up for what I feel about the world and its compositions. This is a window into my mind and soul. Building beautiful souls.
"The kind of spirit that comes like a lion and goes like a lamp"
I am a lady in the streets but a soldier behind all scenes.

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