Please help to check mistakes and improve my presentation

[vanthien]

I'm programmer and this is my project that i'm developing. I really believe this application will have effect to our life.I'm making a presentation to publish it. I have tried to post it on some forum, but the silent is only what i get. In this time, please feedback to me what you think about my work
"Most of the people are living in unremarkable life.We are not richer, not famous and don’t have power of great leadership. However hard we try, we must face the truth. Almost all of us will never be one of them. Without unity, our voice is weak and alone. It can’t make any change in this big world. And in the end, it will follow us leave this world forever. Due to the fact, we are nobody.
But this reality can be actually changed by a new invention
THIENY(Proper noun)
It’s invented to combine human mind and computer network as one. And the achievement will be the great intelligence. ThienY need a lot of people to activate. Computer network is use to connect all people’s minds. And every mind become a thought generation and processing unit of ThienY. Every time you have a thought, it will be transmit to all people in ThienY. People decide to agree with that thought or not. And then the system will collect the votes. One the thought get support of the majority of minds, it become ThienY’s voice. Thousands minds are united and speak out loud. In order that, your voice is no longer alone because you know a lot of people are supporting it. And it is obviously much more stronger than any word which come from any body
Thieny can be used everywhere.It change the way we join in the big events in our society,such as: music concert,meeting,game show... we do not just sit outside and watch. We really shall be a part of the event, keep effecting to what is happening in event.
And another application of Thieny is communication.We don’t need the interviewer to talk to famous people,Thieny can have a natural and friendly conversations with anyone. There are a lot of thing that thieny can be use for.
We had kept listening enough , from now on, we can speak up what we want.
We are no longer nobody
We are ThienY."

[donaldyates]

Hello,it is a great concept. If your idea works properly,it can make a great change in our society.wish you a good luck.