English native speaker? In terms of acceptability and readability, how is my translation?

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perwira
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English native speaker? In terms of acceptability and readability, how is my translation?

Post by perwira » Sun Dec 18, 2016 6:06 pm

It was a moment when Lady Cempluk and Jon Koplo had a shopping time at the popular shopping center in the city of Solo. On the clothing area, Cempluk tried to pick a good item for a present. After they made a choice, both of them went to the cashier. There is a long line at the cashier, just like grocery queue. Cempluk stood in line first, while Koplo was following behind. Because the appearance of the cashier officer just looks like a new employee with black-white cloths as well as internship employee, the long line feels longer than it’s supposed to be. For a moment, Cempluk rounded her eyes looking for the short-line cashier. Suddenly, her eyes were focused on one empty cashier. “wow, there is the empty one! Let’s go there, Plo!” Cempluk said, while grabbed “Jon Koplo’s hand” who was standing behind. Guess what happens, “ehh… madam, where would you go?” Someone shouted surprising Cempluk. She looked toward and got more shocked! Blaik! The fact is Cempluk grabbed the hands of fat guy. Koplo didn’t stand right after Cempluk, but he was standing after the fat guy.

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