Please guys, do you can help me to show my mistake.

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MHafis
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Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Feb 17, 2021 1:28 pm
Status: Learner of English

Please guys, do you can help me to show my mistake.

Post by MHafis »

I was born at Indonesia. Indonesia is a most beautiful country. Indonesia have many island, almost 17.000 island in my country. Indonesia have many unique things. I have to tell you Guys about it.

Every part of Indonesia have unique things like culture. Batik is one of culture in Indonesia. Batik is a name to call a fabric have a unique pattern. Many public figures like wear batik, also Nelson Mandela. He start like batik when he visited Indonesia in 1997. Batik have many unique pattern, every place in Indonesia have unique pattern.

Not just on that. Indonesia also have many destination, which can make you love it. Like Bali Island. Everybody must know about Bali Island. Bali have a beautiful beach. Many turisme came to Bali for holiday.
alexanderfinn
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Posts: 18
Joined: Tue Feb 16, 2021 1:28 pm
Status: Teacher of English

Re: Please guys, do you can help me to show my mistake.

Post by alexanderfinn »

Hello Mhafis.

Let's start with the title. When you ask a question with 'can', don't use 'do you'. After that, you make a mistake in the way you use help. It isn't necessary. I suggest:

'Can you show me my mistakes?' - keep it simple!



I was born at Indonesia. I was born in Indonesia


Indonesia is a most beautiful country. It is possible to use 'most' here, but I think you mean 'very'.

Indonesia have many island
Don't repeat 'Indonesia'. Use a singular verb. There are many islands. Say 'It has many islands.'

almost 17.000 island in my country. You are telling us more about the islands and going into detail, so say 'in fact there are almost 17 000. There is no need to repeat 'islands' and we know it is your country.

Indonesia have many unique things. Indonesia has ....

I have to tell you Guys about it. No capital letter on 'guys' . Do you mean 'about them'? You said 'thngs'.

Every part of Indonesia have unique things like culture.
You have to stop repeating the same word all the time.Try something completely different like 'There are unique cultural features everywhere'.

Batik is one of culture in Indonesia. One of these is Batik.


Batik is a name to call a fabric have a unique pattern. This is a fabric with a singular pattern.


Many public figures like wear batik, also Nelson Mandela.
Many pulic figures, like Nelson Mandela, wear it.



He start like batik when he visited Indonesia in 1997. This started when he visited the country in 1997.


Batik have many unique pattern, every place in Indonesia have unique pattern. It can be found in many patterns and each region has its own.

Not just on that. Indonesia also have many destination, which can make you love it
Like Bali Island. Everybody must know about Bali Island. Bali have a beautiful beach. Many turisme came to Bali for holiday.



That is not all. There are many destinations, like the island of Bali and its beautiful beach, to which many tourists come every year, to make you fall in love with the place.


.
MHafis
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Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Feb 17, 2021 1:28 pm
Status: Learner of English

Re: Please guys, do you can help me to show my mistake.

Post by MHafis »

Thanks a lot to show my mistakes :-D
MHafis
Member
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Feb 17, 2021 1:28 pm
Status: Learner of English

Re: Please guys, do you can help me to show my mistake.

Post by MHafis »

I have a new writing. May bee I make mistake, but I don't know where I have made mistake. If you want to help me, I am so very happy.


~~~ My Reading Journey ~~~

I had started to read books when I was 7 years old. I know I can’t read very well at that moment. Reading is very difficult for me, I only read word by word. Sometimes I make mistake, when I make mistake, I felt so bad. Every time I try to practise read; I know it is hard but I trust myself I can do that very well. Hard works pay off and now I can read very well. I can read a lot of books, magazines, newspapers, and so on.
In fact, when I can read, it doesn’t make me love to read a lot of books. Sometimes I felt so bored to read a book. When I read seldom, I felt sleepy. It’s very embarrassing for me. I try to become love reading but my effort doesn’t succeed. But, when I was 20 years old, I had made the biggest jumped in my life. I become very love for reading a book. And know I had finished 24 books in 6 months. Every month I have to read 2 books no matter what kind of book. I love to read the book with many genres such as history, philosophy, law and economics.
I have one favourite book, and always read this book when I felt bored. My favorite book is Teori Hukum writhed by Prof. Dr.Sudikno Mertokusumo, SH. This book talking about the theory of law and how to applicated in real life. Its write clearly and very good. If you are a law’s student, I recommended you have to read this book.
alexanderfinn
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Posts: 18
Joined: Tue Feb 16, 2021 1:28 pm
Status: Teacher of English

Re: Please guys, do you can help me to show my mistake.

Post by alexanderfinn »

I would be glad to help, but you haven’t looked at what I said before. Write it again, but do not use the words read (or reading) and book (or books) more than three times in the whole essay. Try this and we can look at it properly.
JBozi
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Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Mar 13, 2021 7:55 pm
Status: Teacher of English

Re: Please guys, do you can help me to show my mistake.

Post by JBozi »

My favourite sentence in your writing:
It’s very embarrassing for me.


I won't correct everything either... Tip 1, pay attention to your tenses:
  • I had started to read books when I was 7 years old.
    But, when I was 20 years old, I had made the biggest jumped in my life.
There is no reason to use the past perfect.
  • Sometimes I make mistake, when I make mistake, I felt so bad.
    When I read seldom, I felt sleepy.
    Sometimes I felt so bored to read a book.
    I have one favourite book, and always read this book when I felt bored.
Use the present simple.
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