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Pearly
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Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Mar 31, 2021 2:55 pm
Status: Learner of English

Can you give me a feedback?

Post by Pearly »

Hi Everyone,

I'm going to make an english exam where writing a letter is one of the tasks. Can you give me help and write the mistakes if i made in this informal letter? Thank you if you helping me.

The task: You have given up smoking. Break the good news to your English friend, who is still a
heavy smoker. Write a 170-200-word e-mail letting him/her know
• when and why you started smoking;
• about the difficulties you had to face while you were addicted;
• about the positive changes in your health;
• how your friend could get rid of his/her bad habit.

My e-mail:

Hi Anna,

How are you doing? I hope you have a good time.
I’m very proud of myself because i stopped smoking. Can you really imagine that? I used to smoke almost one box per day. I wanted to stop doing this bad habit because it’s very expensive. Moreover it was bad for my health. I coughed a lot and felt sick. Not to mention that my tooth started to turn yellow. Remember the day when we tried our first cigarette at Daniel party? It was the most disgusting thing ever but the sad thing is that we couldn’t stop doing it and got addicted. I never told my mum but she realized it when she felt the smoke on my favourite sweater. I was so ashamed. Since i stopped smoking, which wasn’t easy because i had withdrawal symptoms I feel so much better. I don’t feel tiredness as before and my skin is healthier too. People say i look good and i didn’t smell bad anymore.
You should try to stop smoking too. I know it’s hard but you don’t need to start with not smoking at all just try to smoke less every month. I bet that you will feel the change in your health fast.

Best wishes,
Pearly
darcy
Rising Star
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Posts: 83
Joined: Tue Jul 24, 2012 7:42 am
Status: Teacher of English
Location: Oxford, UK

Re: Can you give me a feedback?

Post by darcy »

Hi Pearly. That's a good email. Just a few corrections here:

How are you doing? I hope you have are having a good time.
I’m very proud of myself because i stopped smoking. Can you really imagine that? I used to smoke almost one box packet per day. I wanted to stop doing stop this bad habit because it’s very expensive. Moreover it was bad for my health. I coughed a lot and felt sick. Not to mention that my tooth teeth started to turn yellow. Remember the day when we tried our first cigarette at Daniel's party? It was the most disgusting thing ever, but the sad thing is that we couldn’t stop doing it and got addicted. I never told my mum but she realized it when she felt smelled the smoke on my favourite sweater. I was so ashamed. Since i stopped smoking, which wasn’t easy because i had withdrawal symptoms, I feel so much better. I don’t feel tiredness as before and my skin is healthier too. People say i look good and i didn’t don't smell bad anymore.
You should try to stop smoking too. I know it’s hard but you don’t need to start with not smoking at all; just try to smoke less every month. I bet that you will feel the change in your health fast.

Two more things:
1) Always use capital I (not i) for the pronoun - People say I look good and I don't ...
2) ... do an exam or take an exam (not 'make')

Good luck!
Pearly
Member
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Mar 31, 2021 2:55 pm
Status: Learner of English

Re: Can you give me a feedback?

Post by Pearly »

Thank you very much Darcy for the help. I really appreciate it. {-:
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