Needing help to choose the correct words in sentence

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Whirlwind
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Joined: Mon Mar 14, 2022 11:47 am
Status: Learner of English
Location: Auckland, New Zealand

Needing help to choose the correct words in sentence

Post by Whirlwind »

Hello all Grammar Masters,

My friend bought a self-service coins operated laundromat business last year in October, the previous owner got help from a mini mart a few doors from the laundromat to provide the coins change service. But my friend failed to get the same deal when she acquired this business, regular customers keeps going to the mart for coins changes after the change of ownership is the problem... long story short, lots of grievance and drama between the two business owners and the customers who want to wash their clothes.

In our circle of friends, anything involves English, I am "Among the blind the one-eyed man is king". Therefore she asked me to help draft up an notice to her customers.

Here it goes:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Please Note
The coins changes service at xxxx Mini Mart
No Longer Available
(Since end of November 2021) <= small print

Someone will be here for the service throughout the day, and only a phone call away if absent
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The last paragraph seems so blunt to me, and I am not sure how to make it more business formal but not too formal

In the small print I am thinking of

(We're on our own since the end of October 2021)

We will be here to provide the service throughout the day, and only a phone call away if absent (or absence)

"We will be here" or "One of us" or "Someone" will be here?

"to provide the service" or "for the service"?

The only a phone call away because there is an out of office notice at the coins change windows says please call xxxxxx, Im only 15 mins away

Please help me to proofread this notice.

I appreciate your input and thank you so much for your time.
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Joe
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Re: Needing help to choose the correct words in sentence

Post by Joe »

IF I understand the meaning of the notice, I would suggest:

Please Note
Coin changing service at xxxx Mini Mart
No Longer Available
(Since end of November 2021)

Someone will be here for service throughout the day, and only a phone call away if absent
"We are not wholly bad or good, who live our lives under Milk Wood :-| " — Dylan Thomas, Under Milk Wood

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User avatar
Whirlwind
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Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Mar 14, 2022 11:47 am
Status: Learner of English
Location: Auckland, New Zealand

Re: Needing help to choose the correct words in sentence

Post by Whirlwind »

Thank you sir for your help.
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