A man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet God and asks God if he can ask a few questions. "Sure,go right ahead",says God. "Ok," the man says, "why did you make women so pretty?"
God says," So you would like them."
"Ok,but how come you made them so beautiful?"
"So you would Love them",god replies.
The man ponders a moment and then asks, "But why did you make them such airheads?
"God says, "so they would love you!"
A teacher,a garbage collector and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates.St.Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven,they would each have to answer one question.St.Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg?They just made a movie about it!" The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St.Peter let him through the gate.St.Peter turned to the garbage man and figuring Heaven didn't really need all the odors that this guy would bring with him,decided to make a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?" Fortunately for him,the trash man had just seen the movie."1,228,"he answered."That's right!You may enter."
St.Peter turned to the lawyer, "Name them."
A woman got on a bus holding a baby.The bus driver said, "That's the ugliest baby i've ever seen." In a huff,the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.
The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong."The bus diver insulted me",she fumed.The man sympathized and said, "Why,he's a public servant and shouldn't say thing to insult passengers." "You are right",she said."I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind." "That's a good idea", said the man. "Here,let me hold your monkey."