Help in Writing

[kenzo]

hi all
this is my 1st post in this great fourm
Kindly can any one check this letter for me
thanks
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Dear Sir/Madam,
I am writing to you to tell you about the bag which I left at your hotel three days ago during my staying there.
You can imagine how unhappy I was to discover that I left a bag that contains important things like this.
I will tell you some details about the bag, the bag’s color is black, and it is a small one, and looks new. The bag’s contains a lot of papers, magazines, and some reports.
Kindly, if you found my bag inform me by calling this cell phone number: 0947477333.
In addition, if you found it, you can send me the bag immediately to this address: 32 Local parks, London, United Kingdom.
I believe that this matter deserves your attention.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours faithfully,
Mr.John

[sweethuman]

hi all
this is my 1st post in this great fourm
Kindly can any one check this letter for me
thanks
-------------
Dear Sir/Madam,
I am writing to you to tell you about the bag which I left at your hotel three days ago during my staying (Stay) there.
You can imagine how unhappy I was to discover that I left a bag that contains important things (like this).
I will tell you some details about the bag, (the bag(’s) color is black, and it is a small one, and looks new) (It is a small, black and new bag) The bag(’s) contains a lot of papers, magazines, and some reports.
(Kindly) , if you found my bag (Kindly) inform me by calling this cell phone number: 0947477333 (or to this address: XXXXX)
(In addition, if you found it, you can send me the bag immediately to this address: 32 Local parks, London, United Kingdom.)
(I believe that this matter deserves your attention). (I believe that you can help me in finding the bag and delivering it to me)
I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours faithfully,
Mr.John