How simplify a text syntax without changing its meaning?

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How simplify a text syntax without changing its meaning?

Post by Chrysotile » Tue Oct 09, 2012 2:21 pm

I've translated an article to English. Now, I'm not only proofreading it, but also improving the text, so an english reader would not have problems with it. In this part of the process, I come here for help. The author's phrases are long and sinuous, while phrases in english are usually shorter and direct. So I need to simplify the texts syntax without betraying the article's message.

In order to do this, I'm thinking of making the sentences shorter by putting full stops (.) where there are none. By inverting sentences or making this or that phrase more explicit. My question is: How can I simplify a text's syntax? Do you have any suggestions? Here is an example of a huge phrase from the text:
However, this critical thematisation of other philosophies is carry out by means of a ‘reduction’ of those other philosophies to the reasons that belong to it, and to the dimensions of the universe established by their own discourse;<<<< in this way, rivals and competitors are divested of their autonomy and deprived of any possible basis for the theses that correspond to the original intentions that animate them
My first thought is to replace that semicolon for a period. What do you think? Any other ways to make this phrase better? There are a lot of sentences this big or bigger in this article. Any thoughts given for improving this one will be used in all the text.

Thanks in advance.

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Re: How simplify a text syntax without changing its meaning?

Post by EnglishFix » Sun Jul 14, 2013 3:44 am

Avoid semicolons. They are difficult to use correctly.
I recommend making the sentences shorter.

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