What age children stop sleeping with their parents?

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What age children should not share the same bed with their parents?

First born
4
36%
1
0
No votes
2
0
No votes
3
1
9%
4
1
9%
5
5
45%
 
Total votes: 11

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MissLT
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What age children stop sleeping with their parents?

Postby MissLT » Fri Jul 22, 2005 6:56 am

Nursing and nurturing children are human's nature. People in hunting-and-gathering food group nurse their kids since the day they are born up till they are around five years old or so. Not only that, they share the same bed with their kids. In other words, the whole nuclear family: father, mother and children go to sleep in the same room at night. It provides a special bonding relationship between mother/parents with the kids.
On the other hand, the food-producing food group, which is us nowadays, nurse our kids up till when they are around two years old, and we stop nursing them anymore. Not only that most of people, in general, don't let the kids sleep with us to create an independence training within themselves. As we know, the more time we spend to nurse our children, the less babies we'll produce.
Modern women can't nurse their babies for long based on their job, family's situation, etc. My questions, at what age do you think we should stop nursing our babies? At what age do you think children should not share the same bed with their parents? And if nursing and nurturing babies more slowed down the increasing rate of population, should we choose to nurse and nurture our kids for a long period of time despite our job's need?
Last edited by MissLT on Sat Jul 23, 2005 1:30 am, edited 2 times in total.

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Postby Dixie » Fri Jul 22, 2005 12:10 pm

Children should never share the same bed with their parents. They should learn to sleep on their own since early ages. Otherwise they will become dependant on their parents and will find it harder to sleep on their own later.

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Postby frengo » Fri Jul 22, 2005 12:38 pm

Dixie wrote:Children should never share the same bed with their parents. They should learn to sleep on their own since early ages. Otherwise they will become dependant on their parents and will find it harder to sleep on their own later.


Well said

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MissLT
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Postby MissLT » Sat Jul 23, 2005 1:28 am

Pros
Cons

Families of half of the world have a co-sleeping. Mostly it's because of family's economic situation; however, there is no link that the childrent of those families will turn out to be weaklings in a society compared to children who don't share the same bed with their parents, to my belief. I, myself, lean towards to co-sleeping because I think co-sleeping will embrace the bonding between the parents and the kids. I've seen kids who have co-sleeping with their parents value family's traditions, look after their parents, don't put their parents to nursing home, and have a special, understanding bonding with their parents more than kids who don't have a co-sleeping with their parents.

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Postby Shazzam » Sat Jul 23, 2005 1:57 am

I think really children should never sleep in the same bed as their parents. Not only for the children but for the parents too. However, I realise in some instances it is going to happen. I have five children and the only one that ever shared me bed (for one night here and there) was my youngest child; who suffered from a sleep disorder. She sometimes forgot to breathe when she was asleep!

I really don't agree that it is a bonding experience. You should be bonding with your children during the day by being involved with their play, education, sports etc. Sleep-time is just THAT!

It is hard being a parent and sleep deprevation only makes it harder.

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MissLT
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Postby MissLT » Sat Jul 23, 2005 2:18 am

shazzam1452 wrote: my youngest child; who suffered from a sleep disorder. She sometimes forgot to breathe when she was asleep!

Wow, this is serious. How is she doing so far?

shazzam1452 wrote: I really don't agree that it is a bonding experience. You should be bonding with your children during the day by being involved with their play, education, sports etc. Sleep-time is just THAT!

Modern women spend four to eight hours a day for work, same thing for the men; therefore, the children spend most of their time at nursing daycare or with their babysitters. When the parents get home from work, there are only several hours left to bond with their kids. Thus, when children sleep with their busy parents at night, the hugging, the closeness will bring them warm feelings and avoid the feeling of being neglected.
My sister and my brother slept with my mother since the day they were born up till five, so they have a better relationship with my mother than I do. When I was born up till five years of age, I share the same bed with my god-mother, and to be truthful, I feel close to her more than to my own mother. I could see myself hugging her, but it's quite hard to do that with my mother. To me, sleep time is not just that.

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Postby Danyet » Sun Jul 24, 2005 6:53 am

LennyeTranis exactly right about this. Many cultures including traditional American Indians do this. (I mean before the white man came along) I think that it is just residue of stuffy victorian values that make a lot of westerners uncomfortable about this.

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Postby MissLT » Sun Jul 24, 2005 5:10 pm

danyet wrote: LennyeTranis exactly right about this. Many cultures including traditional American Indians do this. (I mean before the white man came along) I think that it is just residue of stuffy victorian values that make a lot of westerners uncomfortable about this.

Westerners mostly think co-sleeping won't create an independence training for their kids since the kids will rely on them. However, when I was a kid (same thing for kids I've seen) I knew when "no" was "no" and if my mom said she wouldn't do something for me, it was serious. No nagging.
My nephews were born in the States, and their mother was advised to let them sleep alone to be independent, but she went against the advice; she let them sleep with her and her husband until they are around five. The first son and the second son now have their own room, except the third one who is only four. They're doing fine to me. They haven't turned out weaklings or sissies.
There should be an equal time of independence and dependence. If the kid is too independent since he/she was a kid, he/she won't rely on anything, even family values, traditions and so on. And it's not a good result for creating an independence training. Family always comes first.

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Postby Shazzam » Wed Jul 27, 2005 9:23 am

danyet wrote:LennyeTranis exactly right about this. Many cultures including traditional American Indians do this. (I mean before the white man came along) I think that it is just residue of stuffy victorian values that make a lot of westerners uncomfortable about this.


I think it comes down to your lifestyle. I am a stay at home mother. I left my career after the birth of my second child. As I witnessed the deterioration of my first childs development in daycare situations. I have always committed myself to the day to day care of my children. I'm not saying that all mother's should do the same. I just don't understand the benefit of SLEEPING with your children. I mean think about it you are asleep...What is happening?

In my opinion quality time is heaps better than quantity of time anyway. There is actually more medical evidence supporting not sleeping in the same bed with your children than for it in Australia.

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Postby Shazzam » Wed Jul 27, 2005 9:29 am

Hi there; she is fine it was a sleep disorder that was brought on by acute tonsilitis. Pretty scarry at the time!

I believe every person has a right to do what the and the children feel comfortable with. I don't have a problem at all with parents that chose to share their bed with their children; to whatever age they want really. Age limits don't need to apply.

My personal opinion is not to (where possible). I mean you will still having camping holidays etc; where of course you will have the same bed.

I really don't think it is that big a deal either way. If the parents are happy and the children are happy its great.

Some parents do let their children sleep with them though; then they want them to stop and that is when their difficulties start.

So my advice is if you are going to do it and you are happy with it great. If you are not happy with and you started it in the first place; too bad!

:lol:

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Postby MissLT » Thu Jul 28, 2005 12:10 am

shazzam1452 wrote: I think it comes down to your lifestyle. I am a stay at home mother. I left my career after the birth of my second child. As I witnessed the deterioration of my first childs development in daycare situations. I have always committed myself to the day to day care of my children. I'm not saying that all mother's should do the same. I just don't understand the benefit of SLEEPING with your children. I mean think about it you are asleep...What is happening?

You're lucky that you're a housewife now, so you will have more time for your kids than you used to. My cousin's wife started working again after two weeks of giving birth to her first and second sons. For the third son, she decided to stay home for a month to take care of him. After that, she works for eight hours a day. As like I said in my earlier post, she and her husband (my cousin) are considered as busy parents. They go to work at 8 in the morning and get home at 5 in the evening; therefore, they only have several hours with their kids before they all have to go to bed to start another day with the same old things again. How could parents bond with their children when they have only several hours with them for a day? They don't get home and immediately hug their kids for hours. And that's where co-sleeping jumps in. A mother or father who share the bed with their kids normally hug them until they're deeply asleep. The hugging, the little talk before they fall asleep provide them comfort and a loving feeling.
Moreover, when they suddenly wake up at night and see that their parents are around, it will provide them safety; therefore, it will be easier for them to go back to sleep. A child builds trust on his/her new surroundings and people if he/she feels safe. How would a child build his/her trust when he wakes up at night all alone in the dark room?

shazzam1452 wrote: In my opinion quality time is heaps better than quantity of time anyway. There is actually more medical evidence supporting not sleeping in the same bed with your children than for it in Australia.

Exactly! It goes for all. If you can't have quantity time with your children, build it with your quality to make it quantity time and worth in a way of quality time.

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Postby MissLT » Thu Jul 28, 2005 12:19 am

shazzam1452 wrote: I believe every person has a right to do what the and the children feel comfortable with. I don't have a problem at all with parents that chose to share their bed with their children; to whatever age they want really. Age limits don't need to apply.

It is true. Applying either case to your children if you think it will bring them more love and security.

shazzam1452 wrote:Some parents do let their children sleep with them though; then they want them to stop and that is when their difficulties start.

There is one beautiful thing of co-sleeping that you haven't experienced yet, I think. My cousin and his wife share their bed with their children, and for some reason up to a certain age, the children want to be on their own. In other words, their first and second sons asked the permission to have their own rooms. The first son wanted his own room at age five, and the second one wanted his own room at age four, almost five. I'm still trying to figure out how they have done it, but even they can't give me the right answer. I applied it on my own experience and all I could remember is I wanted to have my own room because I thought it was cool :lol: . That's all I could remember of why I wanted to be on my own at that age.

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why?

Postby waiting4sunny » Thu Jul 28, 2005 8:05 am

WHY?I don't think children shouldn't.

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Postby Danyet » Thu Jul 28, 2005 3:13 pm

Unfortunately, getting all of your infomation from the Pediatric Association is not a good idea. They are biased and have their politics to worry about just like any other organization. Don't think that because they are doctors the are always correct. The money from huge pharmacutical companies comes into bearing and don't think it doesn't.

So when I see a report saying that children sleeping with parents I have to take it "with a grain of salt". Children have shared beds with parents for thousands of years without problems but still some doctors (probably some type of "shrink") say don't do it.

If doctors were to always be believed why don't they warn against a much worse problem: Sending your kids to Day Care! This is where the real damage to a child is done.

Anyway here is link about sleeping in same bed with your kids.
http://slate.msn.com/id/2020/

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Postby MissLT » Fri Jul 29, 2005 3:48 am

danyet wrote: If doctors were to always be believed why don't they warn against a much worse problem: Sending your kids to Day Care! This is where the real damage to a child is done.

Yeah, this is quite scary to me, too. My cousin was sent to a baby day care until she was five. And day after day, she was just as skinny as a stick . My aunt tried to feed her all kinda food, but she refused to eat it and only asked for instant noodles. She said she liked it, but my aunt sensed something was wrong so one day she got off work early and went to that baby day care place. She saw several kids were watching movie while eating instant noodles in a bowl plus a cup of soda. That insensitive woman took our money and then fed my cousin with instant noodles and soda. I wonder how she sleeps at night :roll: .

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Postby MissLT » Fri Jul 29, 2005 4:12 am

I have an offline article about co-sleeping by Bruce Bower. It's called raising trust--some forager groups may nurture a sharing sense in their offspring.
The whole article is about how different cultures nurse and nurture their offsprings. It compares how children will turn out in those cultures by the way the parents nurse and nurture. Anyway, this is a part in the article that I think is interesting to share although it has no comparison between cultures,
"British psychiatrist John Bowlby formulated attachment theory more than 30 years ago. Bowlby asserted that infants develop relationship styles based on their emotional experiences with parents or other caregivers. A child's interaction style hinges on a set of basic assumptions-- or what Bowlby called an internal working model-- about what to expect from intimate encounters.
Concerned, attentive parents who react to their child promptly nurture a secure and trusting model of self and others, according to attachment theory. If parents often misread a child's behavior or react to the youngster in unpredictable or insensitive ways, a growing sense of insecurity stokes feelings of anxiety, aggression, and distrust...."

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Re: What age children stop sleeping with their parents?

Postby Annaa » Fri Jun 27, 2008 3:04 pm

It deepens from parents and children :-D .
If you don`t like me remember it's mind over matter..I don't mind and you don't matter..

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Re: What age children stop sleeping with their parents?

Postby sweethuman » Tue May 24, 2011 7:25 am

I think after 8 or 9 they should sleep seperately

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Re: What age children stop sleeping with their parents?

Postby paulblake » Thu Jan 05, 2012 9:39 am

On my opinion, when they have their separate bed, then that's the time. Before, it took them at around 4 years old. But then again, it would be based on their adjustment.


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