What do you think of my poem?

Add your poems, essays and short stories here. Please do not post work by other writers.

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Kapellert
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What do you think of my poem?

Postby Kapellert » Mon Mar 30, 2009 11:50 am

Hi! I'm a 23 years old student from Russia, I write poems and recently I tried to write one in English {-: Could you please check it and write what you think about it?
Thanks:)

Good night, my darling, I don't know
How will I spens this night without
Your smiling lips... I miss you so,
But what I feel I can't find out.

And now I see I don't know how
I will exist without reason,
I'm sqeezed and squashed, my beauty, now,
But heart still listens to your breathing...

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shakespear
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Re: What do you think of my poem?

Postby shakespear » Mon Apr 20, 2009 12:27 pm

hi
its good and i wanna say :
go ahead
c u
our life is like a night mare

Jessica
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Re: What do you think of my poem?

Postby Jessica » Wed Jun 10, 2009 5:16 am

I was really taken by your poem. The poem expressed deep emotional feelings and allowed the reader to feel what you were feeling.

GHeeDa
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Re: What do you think of my poem?

Postby GHeeDa » Sun Jun 14, 2009 10:16 am

Hi dear,
It's really nice and deep, but i think you can make something better by expressing more feelings ,,

Keep it Up ,

Regards.. :-)

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LEATRICE
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Re: What do you think of my poem?

Postby LEATRICE » Sat Aug 29, 2009 8:23 am

It sounds quite sweet and soft, it's quite impressive already
But in my opinion, it'll be better if "reason" and "breathing" this set of rhymes in the second stanza is replaced by words that rhyme with "out", just like what you have in your first stanza
Then your poem will probably sound more peaceful, romantic.
A continuously harmonious atmosphere can be constucted:)
The fashion of the world is to avoid cost, and you encounter it.


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