My love [The Contest WINNER, April. 2011]

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Shahruhash
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My love [The Contest WINNER, April. 2011]

Postby Shahruhash » Sat Apr 16, 2011 3:26 pm

Its my first post in this website. I am an English learner. So forgive me for my silly mistakes.

POEM - My Love

My sweet dream came more than true
When my love i saw someone like you
Everywhere i see i feel heavenly
I am so blessed i can now see clearly
Being with you makes me complete
It seems that we are a perfect fit

I never knew what sadness was
Now i feel them when we are apart
Distance cant separate both of us
As you always mend by broken heart

created by - ME

this is a dedicated poem for my lovely wife. Pray for us both guys. Thanks

sweets
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Re: My love

Postby sweets » Sun Apr 17, 2011 9:17 am

hello and welecome here

for me I like the general idea it's so sweet and lovely to show your feelings towards who you love

but in same time you have little mistakes I'm sure that you did not note them
1- ( makes) it should be make because it comes after you

2-(them) it should be it beacause it reffers to sadness

this is what i note maybe others can find more

anyway do not give up and keep writing ok {-;

Shahruhash
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Joined: Sat Apr 16, 2011 3:14 pm
Status: English Learner

Re: My love

Postby Shahruhash » Sun Apr 17, 2011 11:01 am

Hi Sweets !

thanks for your warm welcome and your sweet teachings. I really made a silly mistake writing make as makes. I should have rechecked my slip of pen. Lolz.

keep teaching me because i really would like to learn a lot.
Thanks again

sweets
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Re: My love

Postby sweets » Sun Apr 17, 2011 11:14 am

you are welcome anytime

monaji
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Re: My love

Postby monaji » Sun Apr 17, 2011 7:29 pm

It's very good .. before and after SWEETS Correction.

Shahruhash
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Status: English Learner

Re: My love

Postby Shahruhash » Mon Apr 18, 2011 4:11 am

Thanks monaji . Thanks very much

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manal
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Re: My love

Postby manal » Tue Apr 19, 2011 8:24 am

a good poem and wonderful idea ....
welcome friend...waiting for more....

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Vega
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Re: My love [The Contest WINNER, April. 2011]

Postby Vega » Wed Apr 27, 2011 4:01 pm

Keep up the good work! ;)

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shakespear
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Re: My love [The Contest WINNER, April. 2011]

Postby shakespear » Mon May 02, 2011 10:40 pm

hi friend
ur poem is very lovley and i think u can write more and more koz u have spring of soft words and ideas
the word (makes) is not mistake koz it came after the term (being with you) not after the word (you) only.about the the 2nd notice i think the friend sweet is right.
4give me and i hope u go ahead and write more.......
c u


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