A famous author was invited to attend the dress rehearsal of a very serious play by a very serious young playwritter. He came, but unfortunately he slept through a greater part of the play. The angry playwritter said to hum later:
- How could you sleep when you knew how much I wanted your opinion?
The famous author replied:
- Young man, sleep is also an opinion...
- Daddy, when I grow up, I want to be an Arctic explorer.
- That's fine, Tom...
- But I want to go into training at once.
- How can you do it?
- I want one dollar a day for ice-cream so I'll get used to the cold.
Father: You know, Jack, when Lincole was your age he was a very good pupil. He was the best pupil in his class.
Son: Yes, father, I know that and I was also know when he was your age, he was President of The United States.
Mother: I left 2 apples in the cupboard this afternoon, Tom, and now there is only one there. Can you explain it?
Tom: Because it was so dark, Mamma, I didn't see the other.
Little mouse: -Mammy, Who's saying something that I don't understand at all?
Mother mouse: - Silent! It's our enemy. Don't go out our house. That dirty cat is threatening us.
Little mouse: - How do you understand what he said?
Mother mouse: - It's the best example for the use of learning foreign language.
Teacher: - What is an abstract noun?
Pupil: - I don't know, teacher.
Teacher: - What? You don't know! Well, it is the name of a thing you can think of but you can not touch. Now, give me an example.
Pupil: - A red-hot-poker.
The officer said to his new soldiers:
- You have to love guns like your wife, and look for them carefully. Can you do it?
A new soldier replied:
- No, I can't, Sir.
- Why? Why can't you? - The officer shouted angrily.
- Because I haven't married yet, I don't know how the man loves his wife!
- 2 fathers and 2 sons, how many persons are there in total?
- Too easily! Four!
- Why is it wrong?
- I am the son of my father. My father is the son of my grandfather. So 2 fathers and 2 sons are three persons. Is it right?
- What is the use of our eyes?
- To see!
- What is the use of our ears?
- To listen to!
- What is the use of our nose?
- To put spectacles on!
- In my village, there are the wonderful machines which can make milk and meat from grass.
- Oh, you are the greatest liar in all the world! I can not believe it!
- Why don't you believe it? They are cows...