please proofread a memo

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ziawj
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Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Apr 23, 2012 5:25 am
Status: English Teacher

please proofread a memo

Post by ziawj » Thu Apr 26, 2012 11:04 pm

MEMO
To: All departments
From: Accounting department
Date: April 11, 2012
Subject: Overtime pay

In order to ensure yourovertime pay is accurate and reward you, Accounting Department needs to the information about your name who worked overtime and your overtime periods in March. So department managers' assistant present the information in an e-mail attched a file to Accounting Department before April 13. We will figure out their overtime pay and distribute it to salary card before April 20. Each department makes sure to submit the file as soon as possible. Thank you!

writinghelp
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Posts: 6
Joined: Sat May 05, 2012 2:38 pm
Status: English Teacher

Re: please proofread a memo

Post by writinghelp » Sat May 05, 2012 7:14 pm

Hi ziawj,

Here is a suggestion for your memo. (I have been editing for non-native writers of English for 7 years now.)

To: All departments
From: Accounting Department
Date: April 11, 2012
Subject: Overtime pay

To ensure that all employees are compensated accurately for their overtime, the Accounting Department needs the names of the employees who worked overtime during March and the hours and dates that they worked that overtime. Please have your department manager's assistant e-mail this information as an attachment to the Accounting Department before April 13th. We will calculate their overtime pay and distribute it to their salary cards before April 20th. Please submit the file as soon as possible. Thank you!

(Certainly, there are many other options, and I'm not too fond of my repetition of overtime in the second sentence but it is clear and correct). Good luck with your memo! :)

writinghelp
Member
Posts: 6
Joined: Sat May 05, 2012 2:38 pm
Status: English Teacher

Re: please proofread a memo

Post by writinghelp » Tue May 08, 2012 12:40 pm

one other thing is that I would probably change "distribute" to "credit." :)

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