Writing lyrics

[Lluisb]

I’ve been working on this lyrics for weeks but I got stuck on the second verse. Any idea?
What you reckon so far?

Dark places
—————————$
Verse 1
Still I stumble
On the grift you left..
when you left away
I keep trying
And learning how to cope this
——————-
The Past appears
Noisy and louder
suddenly
The engine breaks down

Lost in the riverbed of delusion
Once again the current churns me up

And there’s just silence
Here, wandering there’s only me...
Just circling silence
Here there’s only me in dark...in dark places

———————
Verse 2



——-

The Past appears
Noisy and louder
suddenly
The engine breaks down

Lost in the riverbed of delusion
Once again the current churns me up

And there’s just silence
Here, wandering there’s only me...
Just circling silence
Here there’s only me in dark...in dark places.

[alexanderfinn]

First you should take a look at some grammar points in verse 1 (and what do you mean by 'grift' - could it be 'rift'?)

Still I stumble
On the grift you left..
when you left away - not standard usage
I keep trying
And learning how to cope this - normally you cope 'with' something

How about

Still I stumble
On the grift you left..
when you went away
I keep trying
And learning how to cope with this



OK - verse 2

Why not move into the present and take verse 3 into the future? You could move from light to dark. For example

But these stumbles
Are part of the path
And I find myself
Growing stronger
Steps growing longer as I go


The theme is very similar to a song by a young indie singer called Francesca Tamellini called 'I guess I should say thank you'

[aronwalker]

apart from a few grammatical errors i think this is pretty good