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Joe's Cafe


Personal blog of EnglishClub founder Josef Essberger - see Menu

Your own personal staff. Which will you choose?

Imagine that you win a contest and the 1st prize (free for 1 year) is your own personal

  • secretary
  • driver
  • butler
  • cook
  • housekeeper OR
  • masseuse

Which will you choose? And why?!!

You can tell us your ideas in the comment box below ↓ 🙂

butler Jeeves


The Laughing English Teacher

I’ve got an English teacher, he always takes our class
A fat old jolly red-faced man, he gives us all a pass
He’s too kind for a teacher, he never has a rule
And everybody says he is the happiest man in school.

He laughs when giving homework, he laughs and doesn’t teach
He laughs at everybody when they struggle with their speech
He never can stop laughing, he says he’s never tried
But once he did expel a guy, and laughed until he cried

His jolly face it wrinkled and then he shut his eyes
He opened his great mouth, it was a wondrous size
He said “I must expel you”, but he didn’t know what for
And then he started laughing until he hurt his jaw

So, if you chance to meet him, when walking round the school
Just shake him by his fat old hand and tell him he’s so cool
His eyes will beam and sparkle, he’ll gurgle with delight
And then you’ll start his laughing with all his blessed might.

Adapted from The Laughing Policeman, a 1920s song by Charles Jolly


Autophagy of a Black Hole

Autophagy of a Black Hole by Univ. Prof. Dr. Peter Heilig

Autophagy of a Black Hole by Univ. Prof. Dr. Peter Heilig

Picture by my Viennese cousin Univ. Prof. Dr. Peter Heilig, who writes:

“The story goes back to the days, when the experts proclaimed: ‘Nothing escapes from a black hole’. So I put this statement in question. In a thought experiment a blacke hole might engulf itself – like the legendary ourobouros – of course it can not hold the %&$§’.. My experts – (CERN, Astronomy, Physics) had their fun. The drawing was dedicated to Felicitas Pauss (Austrian expert at CERN). Latin: Autophagia foraminis nigris”

Wierd! Or is it Weird? What do you make of that?!!


I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be an Emperor

I’m sorry but I don’t want to be an Emperor — that’s not my business — I don’t want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone if possible, Jew, gentile, black man, white. We all want to help one another, human beings are like that. Read on »


What’s the Joke?

cartoon

What’s an ATM?
What’s a PIN?
What’s a pedant?
What’s the joke?


New Mural Celebrates Amazing Leicester City’s Thai Links

The surprise winners of the 2015–16 Premier League in the UK were Leicester City Football Club. A surprise, that is, to all except Buddhist monk Phra Prommangkalachan who predicted it, despite Leicester City’s 5000-1 odds of winning at the start of the season.

Buddhist monk mural celebrating football team Leicester City's Premier League title triumph

Buddhist monk mural in Leicester, UK, celebrating football team Leicester City’s Premier League title triumph. Did Phra Prommangkalachan’s blessings play a role in Leicester’s shock victory?

Leicester City’s Thai owner is Vichai Srivaddhanaprabha, who invited Phra Prommangkalachan — the prior at Wat Traimit Withayaram Woraviharn (Golden Buddha) Temple in Bangkok’s Chinatown district — to offer spiritual support.

mural (noun): a painting on a wall
predict (verb): say in advance; foretell; prophesy
5000-1 odds: chances of winning (in betting, with a bet of £1 you would win £5000 if you bet right)
prior (noun): assistant abbott

Trumpxit

With the election of Donald Trump as the next US president, the term Trumpxit is added to the Brexit lexicon, sharing as the US election and British referendum do the same misreading of the electorate by an establishment of media personnel, government officials, experts and data-driven pollsters.

Trumpxit


Your New Year’s Resolutions for 2016

resolve (verb): decide firmly to do or not to do something (for example: He resolved to discuss the matter with his boss.)
resolution (noun): a firm decision to do or not to do something (for example: He never regretted his resolution to stop drinking.)

New year, new start. Have you made any New Year’s resolutions for the coming year? What have you resolved to do – or not to do? Did you keep your promises last year?


Colour of the Year 2016

Here is the Colour of the Year for 2016 chosen by paint company Benjamin Moore:

It’s WHITE 🙂

Which raises two questions:

  1. Is white a colour?
  2. What’s YOUR colour of the year?

Please leave your answers in the comment box below. Thanks!


Change the World

Change the World
What is this advertisement trying to say? It appears to show two different “worlds”, but which should be changing to which? Should they both be changing to something else? Please give your views about the implications of the photograph.

Why? What? Where? When? How?

extreme (adjective): to the greatest degree; very great; very severe; very serious
poverty (noun): the state of being very, very poor; the state of being extremely poor
inequality (noun): difference in size or amount
combat (verb): fight
do your part (phrase): participate; help
implication (noun): a conclusion that you can draw from something even though it is not actually stated

Ad links to: globalgoals.org. Shown here as “fair use” for educational purposes.