Hello! everybody I just joined the English club.
I want someone to help me.
My teacher ordered me to write essays in topic "Write about your vacation", write at least 20 sentences and end with "next vacation I would like to go to ......".
I've just finished it and I would like you to check it.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH :D
--- Write about your vacation ---
Vacation is the best period to spend time with friends, do something that is interesting or rest at home. I thought my last vacation was the best vacation in my life because I had got a lot of knowledge and new experience that I had never seen before.
Firstly, I had got a lot of knowledge from extra class that I had studied in. Before vacation, I had thought my English Grammar wasn't good so I had to improve it by took extra class. In extra class, I met my old friend and we had been studying together. This class helped me to improve my English Grammar and I had got new knowledge such as the western culture, how to get a scholarship and the way to study abroad. I thought this knowledge was necessary for me. It could be a guide to success in the future. However before that day, I had to mean to study hard.
Secondly, the new experience that I had got was very interesting. I went to Songkhla zoo, I could remember last time I had gone there, it was boring. But new animal and new show attracted me and made me fun. I very liked the young tiger feed. It was pretty and liked a cat. I watched it for a long time. Moreover I I went to the temple in Pattalung Province but I couldn't remember its name. In this temple had an holy Buddhist priest. He was venerated by villager but he had died for a long time. I prayed him for my success in the study. Nevertheless I thought the real success caused from endeavor.
Lastly, the great experience had come with this vacation and I had never forgotten this time. However, I am planning now that next vacation I would like to go to study for O-NET, A-NET Examination.
Pleash help me to check my essays.
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petersocute
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roses
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Welcome to the English club
The first paragraph is quite good. A small improvement would be to delete the words after "experience" and end the sentence with a period. The sentence is correct in its grammar. But "new experience" and "that I had never seen before" both say the same thing.
The second paragraph is good. The phrase "extra class" needs to be changed to "extra classes" or "an extra class". The phrase "took extra class" needs to be changed to "taking an extra class".
I would strongly advise you to go to the OALD [Oxford Advanced Learner's Dictionary] and look up "take" and its other forms - taken, took, takes etc. "Class" would also be good to look up. You should be able to distinguish between its parts of speech as a noun or an adjective.
Here's what I will do. I will stop at this point. If you show me in another post that you have gone to a dictionary to attempt to understand your errors, then I will continue trying to help with the rest of the essay. I am not being "nasty" or anything; I just don't see the point of dictating the corrections without you understanding anything new. It's a bit like that adage about a fishing rod being more useful to a starving man than a sack of potatoes.
The second paragraph is good. The phrase "extra class" needs to be changed to "extra classes" or "an extra class". The phrase "took extra class" needs to be changed to "taking an extra class".
I would strongly advise you to go to the OALD [Oxford Advanced Learner's Dictionary] and look up "take" and its other forms - taken, took, takes etc. "Class" would also be good to look up. You should be able to distinguish between its parts of speech as a noun or an adjective.
Here's what I will do. I will stop at this point. If you show me in another post that you have gone to a dictionary to attempt to understand your errors, then I will continue trying to help with the rest of the essay. I am not being "nasty" or anything; I just don't see the point of dictating the corrections without you understanding anything new. It's a bit like that adage about a fishing rod being more useful to a starving man than a sack of potatoes.
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petersocute
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- Location: Hatyai Songkhla, Thailand
Thank you very much Roses. I open dictionary online because I don't have OALD [It's very expensive for me]. I have already improved it follow your advice.
Vacation is the best period. We can spend time with friends, do something that is interesting or rest at home. I thought my last vacation was the best vacation in my life because I had got a lot of knowledge and experience that I had never seen before.
Firstly, I had got a lot of knowledge from extra classes that I had studied in. Before vacation, I had thought my English Grammar wasn't good so I had to improve it by taking an extra class. In extra classes, I met my old friend and we had been studying together. This class helped me to improve my English Grammar and I had got new knowledge such as the western culture, how to get a scholarship and the way to study abroad. I thought this knowledge was necessary for me. It could be a guide to success in the future. However before that day, I had to mean to study hard.
Secondly, the new experience that I had got was very interesting. I went to Songkhla zoo, I could remember last time I had gone there, it was boring. But new animal and new show attracted me and made me fun. I very liked the young tiger feed. It was pretty and liked a cat. I watched it for a long time. Moreover I went to the temple in Pattalung Province but I couldn't remember its name. In this temple had an holy Buddhist priest. He was venerated by villager but he had died for a long time. I prayed him for my success in the study. Nevertheless I thought the real success caused from endeavor.
Lastly, the great experience had come with this vacation and I had never forgotten this time. However, I am planning now that next vacation I would like to go to study for O-NET, A-NET Examination.
Vacation is the best period. We can spend time with friends, do something that is interesting or rest at home. I thought my last vacation was the best vacation in my life because I had got a lot of knowledge and experience that I had never seen before.
Firstly, I had got a lot of knowledge from extra classes that I had studied in. Before vacation, I had thought my English Grammar wasn't good so I had to improve it by taking an extra class. In extra classes, I met my old friend and we had been studying together. This class helped me to improve my English Grammar and I had got new knowledge such as the western culture, how to get a scholarship and the way to study abroad. I thought this knowledge was necessary for me. It could be a guide to success in the future. However before that day, I had to mean to study hard.
Secondly, the new experience that I had got was very interesting. I went to Songkhla zoo, I could remember last time I had gone there, it was boring. But new animal and new show attracted me and made me fun. I very liked the young tiger feed. It was pretty and liked a cat. I watched it for a long time. Moreover I went to the temple in Pattalung Province but I couldn't remember its name. In this temple had an holy Buddhist priest. He was venerated by villager but he had died for a long time. I prayed him for my success in the study. Nevertheless I thought the real success caused from endeavor.
Lastly, the great experience had come with this vacation and I had never forgotten this time. However, I am planning now that next vacation I would like to go to study for O-NET, A-NET Examination.
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roses
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- Location: Melbourne, Australia
that is an improvement
That is much better!
8)
8)
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petersocute
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- Location: Hatyai Songkhla, Thailand
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LainLoo
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- Location: USA
ALL MY CORRECTIONS ARE IN BOLD.
Vacation is the best period to spend time with friends, do something that is interesting, or rest at home. I thought my last vacation was the best vacation in my life because I learned a lot of new things and had new experiences that I had never experienced before.
First, I (delete had) got a lot of knowledge from an extra class that I had studied in. Before vacation, I had thought my English Grammar wasn't good so I had to improve it by taking extra classes. In my new class, I met my old friend and we studied together. This class helped me to improve my English Grammar and I (delete had) got new knowledge such as the western culture, how to get a scholarship, and the way to study abroad. I thought this knowledge was necessary for me. It could be a guide to success in the future. However, before that day, I had to meant to study hard.
Secondly, the new experience that I had (delete got) was very interesting. I went to Songkhla zoo, I can't remember last time I had gone there, it was boring. Even so, new animals and new shows attracted me and made it fun. I really liked feeding the young tiger. It was pretty and liked the cat. I watched it for a long time. Moreover, I went to the temple in Pattalung Province but I couldn't remember it's name.(delete in) This temple had a holy Buddhist priest. He was venerated by a villager but he had been dead for a long time. I prayed to him for my success in my studies. Nevertheless, I thought the real success was caused from endeavor.
Lastly, the great experience had come with this vacation and I will never forget this time. However, I think that next vacation I would like to go to study for O-NET, A-NET Examination.
You did pretty well in your essay but just got confused with certain tenses,sentance structure, and you used a few words that are not even words.
But good job! Keep working! :D
Vacation is the best period to spend time with friends, do something that is interesting, or rest at home. I thought my last vacation was the best vacation in my life because I learned a lot of new things and had new experiences that I had never experienced before.
First, I (delete had) got a lot of knowledge from an extra class that I had studied in. Before vacation, I had thought my English Grammar wasn't good so I had to improve it by taking extra classes. In my new class, I met my old friend and we studied together. This class helped me to improve my English Grammar and I (delete had) got new knowledge such as the western culture, how to get a scholarship, and the way to study abroad. I thought this knowledge was necessary for me. It could be a guide to success in the future. However, before that day, I had to meant to study hard.
Secondly, the new experience that I had (delete got) was very interesting. I went to Songkhla zoo, I can't remember last time I had gone there, it was boring. Even so, new animals and new shows attracted me and made it fun. I really liked feeding the young tiger. It was pretty and liked the cat. I watched it for a long time. Moreover, I went to the temple in Pattalung Province but I couldn't remember it's name.(delete in) This temple had a holy Buddhist priest. He was venerated by a villager but he had been dead for a long time. I prayed to him for my success in my studies. Nevertheless, I thought the real success was caused from endeavor.
Lastly, the great experience had come with this vacation and I will never forget this time. However, I think that next vacation I would like to go to study for O-NET, A-NET Examination.
You did pretty well in your essay but just got confused with certain tenses,sentance structure, and you used a few words that are not even words.
But good job! Keep working! :D
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petersocute
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- Joined: Sun May 20, 2007 12:08 pm
- Location: Hatyai Songkhla, Thailand