Anyone care to elaborate?

[bakluka]

Hey, this is my first post here!
Yesterday I submitted my short essay and got an 4 (B in English school system). As you can see English is not my native language. The thing is that I do not know where I got it wrong. Here is my essay, it's relatively short

"Do you have someone to whom you mean the world, who loves you and accepts you just the way you are? Well, I do, and she got black hair and hazel eyes. Yeah, that’s my mother.

She has always been my role model, my support, my source of enthusiasm and, above all, my dearest friend. Also, she is the only person who I feel close enough to tell some of my greatest joys and troubles. Ever since I was just a toddler, she was diligent and tireless. Working all day to provide for us and then coming home to cook lunch and clean the house. I am amazed by the amount of energy and effort she put to me on a daily basis. She is a definition of devotion. The best thing about her is that even with all those difficulties she maintains a smile on her face. One of her finest traits is that she is always optimistic about the future, even though worse times are coming.

I am very proud of my mother. She gave me everything, even though I do not deserve it. Yes, I don’t deserve her, but she loves me, with her whole heart. "

Teacher said that we must correct it, but I have no clue where I made a mistake.

Thank in advance

[Richland]

First, you need to know the structure of an essay before attempting it. What you've written is a simple paragraph that has no beginning, middle, or proper conclusion.

You have to first outline an essay and then arrange the points to suit the structure of the essay you want to attempt. You may want to read a few articles about essay writing, which could help you understand where you went wrong:

https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/685/01/
http://www.studymode.com/resources/essa ... e-an-essay
http://access-socialstudies.cappelendam ... tid=382115
http://www.time4writing.com/writing-res ... of-essays/

Hope this helps. All the best!