Short jokes...
Moderator: EC
- angeleyez
- Rising Star
- Posts: 237
- Joined: Sat Apr 26, 2008 5:38 pm
- Status: Learner of English
- Location: DK
Short jokes...
Here some short and funny Jokes
__________________________
Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework.
__________________________
Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the....
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
__________________________
Patient: Doctor! You've got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.
Doctor: Next please!
__________________________
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.
__________________________
A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.
__________________________
Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework.
__________________________
Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the....
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
__________________________
Patient: Doctor! You've got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.
Doctor: Next please!
__________________________
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.
__________________________
A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.
Please... Correct me if I have a spelling mistake !
- Annaa
- Top Contributor
- Posts: 720
- Joined: Wed Jun 04, 2008 8:15 pm
- Status: Learner of English
Re: Short jokes...
[quote="angeleyez"]Here some short and funny Jokes
__________________________
Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework.
I like this a lot,I have heard it before but still when I read it makes me laugh .
__________________________
Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework.
I like this a lot,I have heard it before but still when I read it makes me laugh .
If you don`t like me remember it's mind over matter..I don't mind and you don't matter..
- angeleyez
- Rising Star
- Posts: 237
- Joined: Sat Apr 26, 2008 5:38 pm
- Status: Learner of English
- Location: DK
- Krisi
- Top Contributor
- Posts: 1769
- Joined: Fri Jul 20, 2007 9:48 am
- Status: Learner of English
Re: Short jokes...
funniest!!!angeleyez wrote: A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.
I had a hard time figuring it out!!!
esl member since 2007
- denvinbo
- Top Contributor
- Posts: 958
- Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2007 1:46 pm
- Status: Learner of English
- Location: Vietnam
Re: Short jokes...
angeleyez wrote:Here some short and funny Jokes
__________________________
Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework.
__________________________
Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the....
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
__________________________
Patient: Doctor! You've got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.
Doctor: Next please!
__________________________
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.
__________________________
A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.
- sweetmaria
- Rising Star
- Posts: 130
- Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 10:16 am
- Status: Learner of English
Re: Short jokes...
I like them.. really good..
Live your life so that when you die,you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying
- angeleyez
- Rising Star
- Posts: 237
- Joined: Sat Apr 26, 2008 5:38 pm
- Status: Learner of English
- Location: DK
- Lock
- Member
- Posts: 2
- Joined: Thu Dec 04, 2008 11:21 pm
- Status: Learner of English
- Location: Russia, Siberia, Tyumen
Re: Short jokes...
a boy and a girl in a bed
girl:
- I must be honest with you. I have a boyfriend.
Boy:
- No problem baby. I also have a boyfriend.
girl:
- I must be honest with you. I have a boyfriend.
Boy:
- No problem baby. I also have a boyfriend.
-
- Member
- Posts: 7
- Joined: Tue Feb 10, 2009 9:56 am
- Status: Learner of English
- Location: From(Syria) Live in China
Re: Short jokes...
that's nice jokes
-
- Member
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Wed Feb 18, 2009 12:18 pm
- Status: Learner of English
Re: Short jokes...
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
Not enough sand.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
Take your foot off his head.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
No? Good!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of ~?
The bucket.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.
His lips are moving.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
Not enough sand.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
Take your foot off his head.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
No? Good!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of ~?
The bucket.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.
-
- Member
- Posts: 6
- Joined: Wed Dec 03, 2008 12:05 pm
- Status: Other
-
- Member
- Posts: 2
- Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2009 5:02 am
- Status: Learner of English
Re: Short jokes...
This is one of my favourite jokes:
At the immigration office:
- Sex?
- Three times a week.
- No... I mean: male or female?
- It doesn't matter...
At the immigration office:
- Sex?
- Three times a week.
- No... I mean: male or female?
- It doesn't matter...
- abnerjack
- Member
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Tue Mar 29, 2011 5:44 am
- Status: Learner of English
Re: Short jokes...
Really so interesting..................
funny jokes bring makes people feel freeeeeeeeeeeeee
funny jokes bring makes people feel freeeeeeeeeeeeee
- aaronmark
- Member
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2011 3:53 am
- Status: Other
Re: Short jokes...
it will be true that Sharing jokes distract you from all negative things.
- AdinWilliam
- Member
- Posts: 2
- Joined: Thu Dec 22, 2011 8:43 am
- Status: Learner of English
Re: Short jokes...
This one was mind blowing.angeleyez wrote: __________________________
Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework.
__________________________
-
- Member
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Wed Oct 10, 2012 6:20 am
- Status: Learner of English
- Location: india
Re: Short jokes...
hahah all are nice jokes
- Andreswright
- Member
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Thu Feb 05, 2015 7:41 am
- Status: Learner of English
- Location: Georgia
- reindeer
- Rising Star
- Posts: 349
- Joined: Wed Jan 25, 2012 6:57 am
- Status: Other
- Location: S-Pet
Re: Short jokes...
Present, Past and Future have been to the bar. That was tense!
- Krisi
- Top Contributor
- Posts: 1769
- Joined: Fri Jul 20, 2007 9:48 am
- Status: Learner of English
Re: Short jokes...
At Home
mother: How are you all doing in school, children?
child1: I'm first in English.
child2: I'm first in History
child3: I'm first in the street when the bell rings.
mother: How are you all doing in school, children?
child1: I'm first in English.
child2: I'm first in History
child3: I'm first in the street when the bell rings.
- JamesGoblin
- Member
- Posts: 4
- Joined: Wed Feb 10, 2016 6:21 pm
- Status: Learner of English
- Location: Harare
Re: Short jokes...
Short and funny jokes? This one is certainly short:
A policeman stops the car and asks the blonde driver: "Are your signal lights on?"
She looks through the window, and answers: "They are on...off...on...off...".
A policeman stops the car and asks the blonde driver: "Are your signal lights on?"
She looks through the window, and answers: "They are on...off...on...off...".
My name is Goblin. James Goblin.
- Krisi
- Top Contributor
- Posts: 1769
- Joined: Fri Jul 20, 2007 9:48 am
- Status: Learner of English
Re: Short jokes...
that's good!
-
- Rising Star
- Posts: 248
- Joined: Thu May 30, 2019 11:09 am
- Status: Learner of English
-
- Member
- Posts: 7
- Joined: Thu Aug 01, 2019 1:00 am
- Status: Teacher of English
Re: Short jokes...
Very funny!
-
- Rising Star
- Posts: 248
- Joined: Thu May 30, 2019 11:09 am
- Status: Learner of English
Re: Short jokes...
A man is reading his newspaper and says to his wife: “Michelle, look. Here is an article about how women use about twice as many words per day as men do.”
The wife responds: “That’s because we have to tell you everything twice”
The wife responds: “That’s because we have to tell you everything twice”
-
- Rising Star
- Posts: 248
- Joined: Thu May 30, 2019 11:09 am
- Status: Learner of English
Re: Short jokes...
“Have you been sleeping by an open window, like I told you?” asks a doctor his patient.
“Yes, just like you said, doc.”
“And is the bronchitis gone now?”
“Not yet, so far the only things gone are my laptop and cellphone.”
“Yes, just like you said, doc.”
“And is the bronchitis gone now?”
“Not yet, so far the only things gone are my laptop and cellphone.”